Reply to I am resentful of women who got a leg up in life because of who they married

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As I watch couples pair up it becomes evident how much of a difference who women marry makes a difference in their general life circumstances. Even successful career women when paired with equally successful men end up with twice the privilege and perks.

I’m jealous that I missed out. [/quote]

Yes, this is true. And unfortunately it simply means life is not fair. I married a man who, through tremendous hard work and ambition, has provided us with a very comfortable life. I am fortunate in this regards. But I did fall in love with DH because he was ambitious and hard working and that was a big part of the attraction to him. I could have fallen in love with kind hearted environmentalist who would never make more than 40k a year [b]but I chose not to[/b].....

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LOL, you almost pulled it off until you added that last line.

Anyway OP, think of it this way: most or the women who put up with jerks to marry rich were probably chosen by hir husbands because they looked good in their 20s. Those women will be traded in for the newer (younger) model in a few years. Doesn't sound so glamorous then.[/quote]

I am the poster who wrote the message you responded to.

I don't want to give off the impression I cruelly broke a man's heart because he didn't make enough money. But when I was dating did I weed out prospective dates based on occupation? Yes. Truthfully, the answer is yes. It is difficult to speak frankly about this without coming across as materialistic because that is the wrong way of looking at it. It was important to me to be with someone who shared common values and expectations with me. I would not have been a good wife to a man making only 40k a year, I would not have been happy in that marriage, so it goes both ways. I expected to be working hard and to build a good life and it was important to me to be with someone who was an equal partner in that.

That's not to say my benchmark was set so high that only C level men were suitable  :roll: DH and I met in business school and when we married he had no money. Actually, he was in negative equity when you consider his loans. I had more money than he did as I graduated debt free.

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Justifying your materialism by saying that you wouldn't be a good wife to someone who wasn't going to be wealthy doesn't make it seem any better. You would be more honest to say that wealth is a value, and you wanted to marry someone else who valued wealth.

I also married someone  with a high income, from a wealthy family/background. I do not value wealth per se, although I do value economic stability. This actually does cause some tension between DH and I, although after 10 years together, we have mostly worked it out.

I will say that while I make a good income myself, my DH's income and his family's wealth have made  big difference in our financial situation, which eases our daily life. I do see how much more we have than my friends who did not marry someone with a high income. But I believe that my friends are just as happy and fulfilled as I am, so in the end I doubt that it makes that much difference as long as you are financially secure. [/quote]

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