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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My Dad was born disabled missing a fibula in one leg so his leg is much shorter than the other and with no calf muscle. There are plenty of things he can't do but he's never considered himself to have a disability. He's excelled at a ton of things, including some sports, because he has a nothing is impossible attitude. He would tell you that his disability hasn't been a burden and that having to work hard to deal with it has been good for him. One of the reasons my Mom fell in love with him was because he didn't let it affect him in any way. I'm sure he faced some challenges when he was dating because of his disability but he has never spoken about it. He's been an incredible inspiration to many people I know. [/quote]

NP...sorry, but you're missing the fact that disability stigma is gendered. If your dad was born female, he probably wouldn't have met a guy like your mom because those guys really don't exist. [/quote]

PP, sorry, but IMO your post comes off as blame-casting — the problem isn’t the disability it’s the disabled person’s refusal to believe they can and to work hard at achieving.   You turn disability into laziness.

Not every disabled or SN person should have to be a silent hero to be deemed “succesful” or to participate to their fullest in society.  Count me on #TeamSpeakUp when it comes to coping with disability (or any other life challenge).  The fact that disabled people have spoken up for their needs has enriched all our lives (Hello Siri and Audiobooks....to name just a few things).

I think you have this view of your Dad because a lot of parents believe that speaking about their disability to their kids is placing a kind of burden on them that is inappropriate for their years.  A more mature view of your Dad might be - sure he had limitations but he was lucky there were still a lot of things he could still do and he worked hard to push those boundaries.

Also, please give your Mom credit - often men can be hero disabled because they have women who are helping them compensate.  [b]Since men are not so culturally trained/pressured to be caretakers, it’s not as common that disabled women get a similar level of support from their male partners[/b].[/quote]

Man here & I absolutely agree.

Here's my perspective...

Obviously, there are honorable men out there who would offer the level of love, support & care for a partner that someone with a disability would need.  However... in my opinion, these men are usually few and far between and the extenuating circumstances will usually be the defining factor.

I'm my opinion, the vast majority of men who WOULD be with someone who's disabled fall into 2 categories;

1) They are already in a serious relationship with or married to the women.

2) The woman was NT for the greater part of their relationship & now for whatever the circumstances  (ie; new degenerative diagnosis, debilitating accident, etc) the man must instantly step into the role of permanent caretaker (doing so either out of love, duty, necessity or obligation).

The common denominator in both of these examples, is that the men were [u]already[/u] in some form of relationship/friendship with the woman [u]PRIOR[/u] to the disability occurring.  
They already have feelings for her.

You've heard "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" right? 
For the most part we are different in every way.

For instance, women are usually emotionally driven creatures (obviously, not all), and are such natural & dedicated caretakers. It's also why you wouldnt let a disability the sole determining factor in whether to become involved with someone who's disabled or not.

Men are very different, we're highly logical creatures (aka hard headed and black & white).
Where a woman may not hesitate to care for a man she barely knows, especially if she sees potential in the future of the  relationship, men will ALWAYS do the exact opposite.

As soon as a man realizes that his new possible love interest "could be" or "definitely are" disabled, he'll immediately slam on the brakes so hard you'll get whiplash.
This is done in an attempt to analyze a few denominators, such as his potential feelings/attraction for the woman, what kind of potential a future relationship with her may have & how this disability may hurt or destroy said future relationship.

Sadly, if a woman is [u]already[/u] disabled when a man meets her, he is naturally going to begin to contemplate what his role may become in the future... especially if her disability is degenerative.  The thought of this relationship becoming a burden will scare most men away almost instantly, and for those who may choose to pursue a relationship anyway?  Well... unfortunately, his friends & family will most likely talk him out of pursuing the relationship. 
I get a gross feeling just thinking about it.

I'm really very sorry OP - I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but I wanted to be honest with you & try to provide you with some much needed insight into why we can be such d!cks.

* Apologies in advance for any typos.
I  just finished an 18 hour rotation & the screen looks a little blurry,  lol.

[/quote]

I am shook.
This pp hit the nail directly on the head, unfortunately.

Damn it men, why can't you expand your horizons a little?
Take a chance on what sounds like a great girl!

OP, can you give us a hint as to your disability?
It would greatly help us help you, but I understand if you'd prefer not to.

[/quote]

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