Reply to If you are very happily married w kids 10+ yrs , tell what you think is the main that makes it work.

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Reply to "If you are very happily married w kids 10+ yrs , tell what you think is the main that makes it work."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Have any of the happily marrieds have arguments where the other spouse has just been cruel? I sort of feel like we’ve had several of these over the course of the last decade, and each has done permanent and cumulative damage. There is just no going back to how things were early on. Desire to divorce ebbs and flows. We get along well enough and worry about divorce with kids. After another recent day of behavior that I think crossed the line of civility, I’m back to strategizing about life without him. He seems to have gotten it out of his system and wants to apologize and move on. I suppose counseling is in order, but I honestly think I may be at the point of not even wanting it. Anyway, most strong marriages I see do not appear to involve such nastiness, even on rare occasions or even once... [/quote]

I have a good friend who is in a similar place with her husband. They are both wonderful people, but they don't know how to fight. They say horrible things to each other when they are angry, and then they remember it for years.  Several times, I have made it a point to share the way my husband and I fight(when one spouse starts raising the voice, the other spouse keeps calm and vice versa), and she agrees that under similar scenarios, she and her husband will go off at each other. They cannot seem to get off the horrible pattern. For them, it is a terrible mix of personalities combined with insecurities. Counseling has helped them some, but it is really hard. [/quote]

I feel like I remain prettt calm, or at least have in the past couple years. When I think it through, i think I’m sort of past fighting and have no interest in that sort of exchange. It’s almost like I’m watching him act out a movie when he goes into that mode. [/quote]

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