Reply to When my DW has an AP and denies it, should I just take the kids and go?

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Reply to "When my DW has an AP and denies it, should I just take the kids and go?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]After finding out 3 months ago by red flags that my DW was in an extra marital affair, I confronted her.  Our marriage wasn't perfect with both of us having full time jobs and 4 kids.  She came home one day and said "I love you but I am not in love with you." She asked for space and I said ok. Unfortunately, my DW was acting completly out of character.  I found out she had 2 cellphones and now very possessive of them. The craziest part is that I permitted her to take 2 of our kids to visit her family a few weeks back and one of my sons let me know that my DW spent 3 days at a resort.  My wife lied directly to her parents and just left our kids.  It was clear after pulling credit card reciepts, verifying some excursions from the paper work I found, and the topper of all, she bought this AP a laptop but she tells me it was for her.

The lies have to stop.  The negative impact is getting worse and I am concern of the message she is sending to our children with this behavior.  I thought I can overcome this behavior but now unsure who my DW is.  Friends tell me she is going through a mid life crsis but she needs therapy.  My DW has been passive aggressive out of the blue and it continues like clock work. Worst of all is that she has checked out of the home life.  I have been doing everything.

Any thoughts?  I am just tired of her crap and I still cannot believe she is acting without any regards for consequences. [/quote]

If I were you, I would pre-emptively separate.  Set up your household, get a preliminary custody schedule. She wants space, let her have a real taste of what it would feel like. Not her idea of having space (everything remains as it is and she comes and go as she pleases while everyone is waiting for her), but the reality of living on her own.

Then, if you decide, proceed with divorce.

Do not talk her into anything. If she's the one pulling away, don't ask her to stay, don't say "if you can leave if you have therapy etc.".  The general rule is if someone wants to go, let them go.  [/quote]

This is OP.  Thank you for the insight.  My DW believes in her mind that I have no proof of her affair. Even with pictures of her and AP together, including his name, she is in denial.  She told me to move out now.  I will be talking to a lawyer this week.  I just do not know who she is anymore, and she just lies.   [/quote]

It doesn't matter what she tells you. You don't have to do what she says.

Get documented proof of the affair, you will need it.

Definitely do talk to a lawyer.

You have my sympathies. Your life has been upended.  Don't do anything rush.[/quote]

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