Reply to Is there hope for rebuilding a marriage after an affair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No.  you will never trust him again.  How ever much you want it to work, every time he works late, every time he doesn't answer his phone, every time he travels, every time he crosses paths with this woman, you will suspect something.  Do you want to live like that?

[b]Affairs are not a symptom of deeper issues in a marriage.  Affairs are an act of emotional violence against ones spouse, the same as any other kind of abuse.[/b]  Don't ever let anyone, therapist or otherwise, suggest you had anything to do with your spouse's decision to repeatedly cheat, lie, and manipulate you.  It's likely your marriage wasn't perfect, but no relationship is perfect.  But no amount of nagging, lack of sex, lack of communication, fill in the blank, justifies the kind of emotional abuse your spouse repeatedly chose to put you through.

If your spouse even hints that you had anything at all to do with the affair, get out now. You are still in an abusive relationship and it will happen again. [/quote]

Yeah. That’s completely wrong. People in happy marriages aren’t out sleeping with other people. As someone in an affair with a married affair partner, I can tell you my affair was the direct result of my spouses physical and emotional abuse and untreated depression. APs affair was the result of his wife deciding she didn’t want to have sex any more. After a few years he looked elsewhere. We’re both divorcing now. It has nothing to do with wanting to abuse our spouses. Both just in unfulfilling marriages that found what we were missing elsewhere.

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Unsure how the female rationalizes the behavior of going outside the marriage to condone the affair. If there is an unfulfilling marriage , address it with the DH and stop hiding it and lying about it. From experience, it will come out and your family and your AP will have a fall out.  Unless you do not care about your DH, family and only yourself.  If that is the case, that is sad and you need to take some time to soul search what is your purpose with this affair. [/quote]

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