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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Another twin mom here saying don't do it.  One at a time is better for all kinds of reasons.

I gave birth to my twins just days before I turned 45.  I had a pretty straightforward pregnancy, scheduled c-section at 37 weeks, two healthy 6 lb babies who went home w/ me, easy recovery from c-section, etc...  Basically the dream scenario.  I was very lucky and perhaps you would be also.

But I still STRONGLY wish I'd had one at a time, and tell anyone who asks that I don't recommend twins.  I wish my kids had my undivided attention at infancy, or at any individual developmental stage.  I wish I only had one baby to breast feed at a time - perhaps it would have been easier and I would have done it longer.  [b]I wish they didn't compare themselves to each other so relentlessly and unforgivingly ALL THE TIME.  I wish they didn't have hurt feelings over who had more friends show up for their b'day party. [/b] Etc..,.

There are wondeful and fun things about having (or being) a twin, for sure.  But the kids really do pay a price that I wish I could spare them.  Maybe I'll feel differently when they're adults but so far (still in elementary school) I have consistently felt that they would have been better served by being one at a time in each developmental stage.[/quote]

my older kids are 2.5. years apart and they do this all the time. sibling rivalry is a thing. there is also personality... neither of those has anything to do with twins.[/quote]

I'm not talking about standard sibling rivalry.  I'm talking about one child being painfully aware of ways in which his twin is ahead of him - developmentally, socially, physically, etc...  [b] It is incredibly painful for him - in ways it simply wouldn't be if the answer was "she's two years older than you Johnny -[/b] of course she can run faster."  Or, if he were the big brother who was ahead of her.  Or if they weren't counting how many friends showed up on the day of their birthday party - because they don't have the luxury of two different birthdays.  Or if they didn't see their sibling being rewarded for something in school when their class does not yet have that privilege (or that teacher does things differently).  And so on...

Please do not presume to lecture me about my kids.[/quote]

i am not lecturing you about your kids - merely pointing out that you don't have experience with kids of different ages and you have no idea how competitive then can get despite age difference.

kids can't take into account that the sibling is older and it is very painful for them when their siblings are ahead even though they are older. they lack perspective. they, too, count invitations, grades etc etc.[/quote]

singleton parent, Stop!!  You don't have experience with kids the exact same age and you have no idea how competitive they can get without any age difference. Kids can't take into account the sibling is the exact same age and it is very painful when their sibling are ahead even though they are the exact same age. They lack perspective.

Tone deaf much?

-Mom of twins, one of whom has a congenital condition. [/quote]

Yes, while sibling rivalry exists among singletons, it’s definitely magnified with twins.

I have fraternal twins. Twin A is neurotypical and healthy. Twin B has Autism, ADHD and anxiety. Twin B gets the short end of the stick in every way: she’s younger, shorter, slower to reach puberty, less coordinated, you name it. The constant comparisons to her sister because they’re twins is devastating to her self esteem. I had an uncomplicated pregnancy, but ironically, my pregnancy was the least complicated part of having twins.

When my children were born, my uncle (a psychiatrist) told my mother that, with twins, he always worries about the second born. She didn’t ask him what he meant and didn’t know what he was hinting at, but after years and years of complete strangers coming up to my kids and asking 1) “Are you twins?”, immediately followed by 2) “Which one of you is older?”, believe me, I get it now.

Recently, my children both applied for leadership positions at their school. Only one was selected...and if you guessed it was Twin A, you’d be correct. Sure, there were other kids who weren’t selected, when their older siblings had been — but none of those singletons had been in direct competition with their siblings for these coveted positions. [/quote]

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