Reply to Is this cheating? What do I do? (Found computer history on DH’a computer)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here again - thanks - I am having a really hard year with loss of a relative  and having this all happen with a baby is tough - and to figure out my DH is betraying me is tough. I worry though that I don’t have the bandwidth for a dramatic relationship flame out fight.

If I confront him I know he will get angry about me going through his browser history (I didn’t do that ever until the discovery of the emotional affair 2 years ago and now do every few months when I have a gut feeling something is wrong)

I am trying not to confront him until I know what I want — I am just so angry and repulsed I can’t even look him in the eye today though — I feel like it is so selfish and destroying of our sweet little family I thought we had — ugh[/quote]

You have had a tough year, and it's been more than 1 tough year if you caught the emotional affair a couple of years ago.  OP, it's OK to decide not to fight this battle now.  It's OK not to confront him immediately, or even not to confront him for a year.  You do what is best for you and the kid(s) at this point.   I gave the long advice at 9:59 on this other thread - [url]http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/15/764265.page[/url]

Read that advice.   A lot of it involves just preparing yourself; things you can do without having to "decide".  It's OK if you've had a tough year to wait awhile before you confront or make a decision to divorce.  We all just do the best we can.  Meanwhile, engage in some of the preparatory steps which you can do undetected.  Build your network of support.  Fortify your finances and figure out about work.  Get legal advice.  Then when you feel stronger you can "decide" with all the facts and preparation necessary to make a good decision/plan.

The one hard thing to handle if you decide to stay in the interim is what to do about sex.  Again, the risks you take are up to you -- is there an STD risk?  How do you feel emotionally about sex while you know he's fooling around?  what can you do to minimize or eliminate the sex without creating other problems and forcing and end to the relationship before you're ready.

BTW, it is selfish of him.  But there is nothing you can do to change him.  He has shown you who he really is.  Believe him and act accordingly to create a life that is safe and happy for you and your child. [/quote]

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