Reply to Concern over person’s anger at petty stuff even if legit reason to be angry in life generally?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why isn’t MIL PAYING To have her home winterized? It sounds like it was a much bigger job then taking down some screens. If she can not take care of her house, she needs to move to a condo or apartment where EVERY male in the family is not REQUIRED to give up their Saturday to help her. [/quote]

She is in a tough place financially right now as a result of a job loss. At 55, it is hard to find full time work. She’s working two PT retail positions. Even the Taskrabbit quotes for the work yesterday were going to be a stretch. The house is paid off and she’s lived there her whole life in a safe and supportive neighborhood. She could reasonably age in place there for twenty years and leave the house to her daughter.

No one was required to help out. “Ben” could have refused at the outset. Instead, he said yes, accomplished basically nothing, threw a teenaged tantrum, and left early. DH and the other men finished easily and had a nice beer afterwards. It could have been a good bonding experience for “Ben” who seems to feel like an outsider still after almost two years. Based on a PP, I think that maybe “Ben” doesn’t know how to do some household repairs like caulking and was embarrassed. Like a teen, he thought it saved face to call these tasks stupid rather than ask for or accept help. I think life is hard enough without closing off yourself to help or learning from others. [/quote]

Yes, most of the people in DCUMland are rich and hire out work.

What is wrong with MIL that she can't caulk her own windows or at least work beside the menfolk and learn how to do it?  Seriously, I thought you were talking about an old woman.  55 is middle aged![/quote]

She has helped with repairs. Caulking was a tiny bit of what was needed. A lot of it required two sets of hands or brute strength she doesn’t have. She also works all day on Saturday going from job A to job B. With the temperature drop, her nephew thought it was better to assemble a small crew to get it all done in 3-4 hours than work on it bit by bit over the next couple months.

I’m really shocked at how many people feel it is wrong to ask a 23 year old future family member to help out on a Saturday morning. I was raised very differently I guess. However, I see lots of families and even friends getting together so that many hands make light work. I guess having lots of money makes it possible to just hire someone when you need it, but how do you worry only about yourself? Is everyone you know wealthy?[/quote][/quote]

I'm in my 50's and I can not imagine expecting my grown nieces, nephews, cousins and their fiances to drop everything they are doing and come fix my house up.  It just wouldn't even dawn on me to expect such a thing.

This lady could have made things easier on herself by staying on top of her own home maintenance.  Hiring a handyman to help with repairs while they are relatively minor is such much easier than waiting until things have gotten to be a huge problem.  Patch a roof when it first starts leaking, don't wait for the ceiling to be caving in....[/quote]

I think you missed that she lost her job. Not her fault. Her employer retired and closed. My aunt had worked there since age 26. She’s not in great shape after a life time of standing all day 40 hours a week and probably shouldn’t be on ladders alone even if younger. She hasn’t been able to afford new windows and doors. The roof isn’t leaking yet, but in cleaning the gutters, the missing shingles were detected. The roof stuff was a stitch in time.

I’m happy for you that you have the health, time, and money to spare you needing help from loved ones. Hoping you’ll find compassion for those less fortunate. [/quote]

Oh, I have spent plenty of my time helping older family and even neighbors in the community. But I also know that a house doesn't "suddenly" need brand new windows and doors plus a new roof unless it's been hit by a tornado, tree or hurricane.

If your relative can't afford the maintenance on her home she should seriously consider downsizing as this is not going to get any easier for her.  I'm sorry that she lost her job.  That would be very tough.  [/quote]

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