Reply to stopping a potential affair by getting to know the other woman-- does it work?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Doesn't matter.  I bought his secretary presents for her baby twin girls, helped him pick out gift cards for secretary appreciation day, even had lunch with her while he was traveling.

[b]People who cheat are terribly damaged and capable of the kind of manipulation and duplicity you will never fully appreciate.  They don't care one bit about you, his kids, their own reputations, their own kids, their own spouses, their own reputations.  They ONLy care that for some reason, your spouse makes them feel alive inside, and they will do anything to maintain that feeling.[/b] [/quote]

This is so extreme.  Just read what you wrote.  You really believe someone who has an affair really doesn’t care about their children?  Life is complicated and sometimes people are unhappy and they stray.  Or they are flawed and cheat when their marriage is great.  Or they are foolish.  Etc.  You need to gain some perspective. [/quote]

New poster here. The previous poster is correct. A cheater does not care about any of those things when they are in the throes of a new relationship. My husband cheated with our neighbor, who was a pretty good friend of mine. Her husband was a very good friend of his. We all have kids, and when the affair was discovered everything blew up in their faces. The reputations were ruined in our neighborhood, friends were lost, and divorces are being considered. The kids' lives will be turned upside down. [/quote]

Nope. Disagree. I think the cheater cares very much or he/she wouldn't try to hide it. They don't think they are going to get caught. They might have a warped sense of what they need/deserve but for the most part I think cheaters care or they'd just flaunt it.

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the cheater doesn’t hide the affair because he cares about the people the affair may hurt. The cheater hides the affair because he wants to avoid the consequences to him of being found out.  He doesn’t care if the spouse is unhappy, but he does care if the spouse wants to divorce. He doesn’t care if the kids are unhappy, but he does care if people no longer think he is a good dad. He just wants to have his cake and eat it too, and if he is honest, he wouldn’t be able to do that.[/quote]

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