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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t buy this “men don’t see the mess” of “men don’t care about the mess.”  Pay a cleaner $300 to fully clean your house top to bottom.  I guarantee that he will see what they missed, and he will care.

The question is not “how to make him see it,” but “how to make him see it as his responsibility.”  [/quote]

That's your mission in life, to make him see it is his responsibility, his obligation, [i]to change[/i]? That's messed up in the head. The timing - post wedding - is poor.[/quote]

I think that’s why so many people are saying get out now!

They’ve been there. They tried talking, asking nicely, nagging, lowering standards, etc. You can mentally decide that you can handle your DH being a crappy partner but it wears on you. Eventually you’ll be upset he doesn’t even care that he’s a crappy partner. All the extra stuff you do to pick up after him will be unappreciated and seen as your responsibility.

Once you have kids this will explode. There just aren’t enough hours in the day for you to pick up after a grown man AND kids. You WILL start hating him. Divorce will look more and more attractive.

It’s not about “forcing him to change” right after the wedding. It’s anout not being suckered into being his maid right after the wedding.

Get a couples therapist, but I’m already exhausted thinking about the long road trying to convince a man that he should act like a grown up. Women who were optimistic newlyweds wish they could go back in time and shake themselves into action back then. Back when the stakes for leaving were not quite as high. After children, all marriage stressors are magnified times 1000.

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