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[quote=Anonymous]OP:  On the sex front.  I have a slightly older girl in a boyfriend relationship and while I don't think they are sexually active, the possibility is in my mind and I've done some recent reading and thinking about how to talk about sex with teens.

You might find it helpful to ask her what her opinoins are about some key sexual ethics questions.  If you were to have sex, is it ok to have it with more than one person at a time?  Is it ok to talk about it with your friends?  Do you think sex should be in a stable, caring relationship or should just be for fun?  Why or why not? Is it ok to have sex with someone else's boyfriend? Whats it mean to be used?  Can both people use one another without anyone getting hurt?  What about "friends with benefits?"  What are the rules?  Do boys suffer reputational harm for having sex at school when 14?  Do you think girls would? What do you think the school consequences would be if you got caught? You might start by trying to understand where she is coming from and then talking about the implications. The power of this sort of dialogue for a teen is that its not top-down you telling her what she should think, but you want her to struggle with the tough questions herself in a conversation in which you can put in your own views and experiences (to the extent appropriate).

Another key thing Ive read on some teen chat boards, is that some kids clearly think they shouldnt have sex with anyone that they don't want to parent with (that possibility is always there and real) so work that into the conversation. Finally, I recall an old Oprah that had a 14 yr old girl on who thought she was ready to have sex with her boyfriend.  A sex therapist peppered her with questions:

1) What are you going to use for birth control?
2) what if that fails?
3) if you get pregnant, would you raise the baby?
4) What if you partner talks all over the school about his experience with you?
5) If you expect this to be a long-term relationship-- how long?  Does your partner agree?
6) How will you prevent STDs? 
7) Are you ok with the risk that you get one (they are on the rise right now--talk about the consequences)

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