Reply to parents of unpopular kids - how do you stop feeling sad?

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[quote=Anonymous]I was your DD at that age. It is tough for sure but I don't think there is a lot of weekend socializing until later in middle school, and it is not uncommon for a 6th grader to not have weekend plans. I was an introvert who enjoyed social time but was also pretty happy being home reading a book (and still am), and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that - please don't convey the message that there is, or that her solitude stresses you out. Be sympathetic if she expresses a wish for more friends, facilitate what you can, encourage her to keep reaching out, but don't push, and make sure she knows you love the person she is. Those years would have been less painful for me had my parents not made it seem like there was something wrong with me for being shy and introverted, and that my loneliness was my own fault for not being outgoing like them.

One suggestion for finding new friends - ask her if there are kids she sees at school who seem lonely or uncertain, and to try approaching them one on one. It puts her in the role of being kind to someone else, and more likely than not, those kids will welcome the interaction. Approaching and nudging into an existing group is agony and not likely to go well. If she is shy, I also would encourage her being involved in event-based school activities where she has a visible role, like selling refreshments at a game or handing out programs at the school play - it puts her in a social situation where she has to interact with people but they have a reason they have to interact with her. For a shy person, having a role to play at an event is very empowering and builds confidence - you are busy and helping people and seem like you are in charge. It helped me tremendously. I also agree to keep inviting people over whether they reciprocate or not, and with an up to date wardrobe too.

She is not alone in her loneliness for sure. Some of it is the age and will be outgrown in time. Her people are out there, and one day she will find them! It amazes me to talk to a few of my HS classmates at reunion who I always thought seemed nice but didn't really know back then, and realize that all of us were lonely kids and how different it could have been if only we had found each other back in middle school.

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