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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would twll an older teen if they were asking questions and not satisfied by vague explanations.[/quote]

This. It's better to tell than to lie.  Being lied to by one's parents is a very big deal to a teenager.  And really, affair-havers don't have any claim to privacy.  If they can't stand by their actions they should have chosen better.[/quote]

Agree. Therapists told me this is the way to go. Been there.

[/quote]

I ended a relationship with a compulsive cheater.  If my kids had ever asked me, I would have told them, at any age. As a parent, my policy has always been, if a child is old enough to ask the question, he/she is old enough to get an answer.  That answer doesn’t have to be detailed, but it does have to be truthful.

I never was put in a position where I had to tell my kids about their Dad’s cheating.  But, as a parent, I can see how the secret of infidelity distorts a family (even a divorced one) just like the secret of alcoholism does.  Cheaters are able to cheat because of personality issues — willingness to lie, preference for appearances, not revealing true self, manipulation of others, anger when reality is disclosed, inability to consider others feelings, inability to put others first, impulsivity, poor calculation of risk, inability to negotiate transparently for needs, etc.   These issues go far beyond infidelity and affect everyone in the cheaters life, even when the infidelity itself was hidden.

Although it’s common wisdom not say don’t tell, after 15 years of dealing with the aftermath, I think in retrospect it may have been healthier to have it out in open in some way. [/quote]

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