Reply to Husband needs to be better father - how to articulate, or maybe I shouldn't?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Accept it. He sounds great, but he is a dude. They aren’t that warm fuzzy, but he adores those babies as much as you do. [/quote]

+1  He sounds like a normal guy.  If you wanted a partner who would research parenting issues and get in the weeds on homework and such, you perhaps should have sought out a lesbian. [/quote]

I'm a dad and these replies make me genuinely sad.  Society has such low expectations for dads.  It's pathetic.  I don't know if OP's husband is a "normal guy" but he clearly has room to be a much better dad.

OP, I think that it's the small things that matter and really add up.  Try to gently encourage those little things.  I try to make it home in time to sit with my DS before he falls asleep (I don't always make it).  We use that time to talk about his day and random stuff that's on his mind.  I volunteer to help coach his sports practices once a week.  It kills me because it's a physically demanding sport and I'm not any good at it but it really helps him to have me there.  We find time for just the two of us, even if it's just to go to the barber shop together.  It doesn't need to be grand gestures but your husband should just spend time getting to know his kids on a level that isn't task-specific.  Maybe find things that your son (since he seems to need it more) and husband can do together.  If your husband runs, maybe they could run together (all three of them could).  My son is only a bit older than yours and I like to take him to a school track to help him learn how to be a better runner.  We practice and I time him so he can see improvement.  It's good for both of us.  Even watching a tv show that we both like is great.  Anyway, I don't think that you need to have some big talk which would probably just make him defensive and not have a positive effect.  Instead, encourage him to find opportunities to be there for and with his kids.[/quote]

Respectfully (especially because you sound very well-intentioned), I don't see much difference between what you've listed about your relationship with your DS and what OP has listed.  You "try to make it home in time to sit with DS before he falls asleep" (and don't always succeed) while OP's husband bathes them, reads bedtime stories, and puts them to bed.  Objectively, OP's husband would have you beat substantially in this category (building in the assumption that you both work hard to provide for your families, which it sounds like).  Watching a TV show together???  Based on OP's observations/critiques of her husband, you think she's going to count "watching a TV show together" as building an emotional bond and building a family together?  She doesn't even consider him a strong father figure and leader, despite him leading by example in many facets of his life.

It sounds like you're giving yourself the benefit of context (i.e. I'm not any good at the sport but I've earned extra Dad points by grin-and-bearing it) without providing OP's husband the same. Yet, even though it's well-intentioned, you say this guy clearly has room to be a much better dad?[/quote]

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