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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Are those my only options- stay home or go and don't get to help plan Christmas? I'm genuinely curious. [/quote]

Here's an idea.  Go to CVS and buy a package of Oreos.  Are your in-laws really going to prevent your children from leaving them on a plate by the fireplace along with a note that you have your kids write some time during the day? [/quote]

This seems so sad to me.

I can see that the undercurrent of OPs complaint is that she wants to feel valued AND she wants her children to feel valued. [b]She’s putting in so much effort to travel with her family for the holidays, she’s packing, sleeping in uncomfortable beds, dealing with kids schedules being disrupted, packing presents, [/b]etc. It sounds like she wants to feel as if a little bit of the holidays is also for her family. The ILs insisting that only their traditions are important shows that her family is no more than an afterthought or a photo prop. OP is looking for validation more than anything. She doesn’t want to sneak off to CVS to buy Oreos when nobody’s looking and put them on a plate by the fireplace when MIL is not looking. That whole scenario is incredibly depressing.[/quote]

You have a very lovely vivid imagination, OP has not mentioned any of this tremendous effort.[/quote]

Thank you for proving my point about validation.

Like her ILs, you seem keen on minimizing any effort OP makes to accommodate her family. I have small kids.  Yes, it is a lot of work to travel for the holidays - even if OP is gracious enough not to complain to her family. [/quote]

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