Reply to Long-term relationship with a guy with 15 years of alimony payments

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would not date any man who was stupid enough [b]to allow[/b] his wife to be a long term SAHM who has zero skills and is unemployable. That’s the only way alimony is awarded these days.[/quote]

LOL...so much for empowering feminism that brings us CHOICE. Didn't realize it was my husband who was "allowing" me to be a SAHM.  :roll: [/quote]

PP is bitter because her DH doesn’t allow her the choice to stay home.  Hence her vitriol and anger towards all SAHMs.[/quote]

Not that poster but I get it.  While “allow” might not be the right word, unless the SAHP is independently wealthy, the person bringing in the income has to agree that they are comfortable being the only one bringing in the income for the other person to stay at home.  You can’t live off love alone and need a way to pay for food and shelter.

And there may be some truth to the bitterness but more so in imagining the future situation. Because if your are the SAHM, that may not have been an option financially if your DH was previously married and paying a lot of alimony to his ex.  How would you feel going to work everyday and preferring to SAH with your children knowing that you can’t financially afford to do so as a household because your DH will be paying alimony until your joint kids are almost in high school to support his ex when his kids with her are already out of high school?

To OP, in terms of discussing details, what is your motivation in discussing the details?  Are you worried that you will indirectly be taking on this amount?  At a certain point, it’s similar to someone that has huge student loan payments, you accept that a financial decision they made prior to you means they have salary minus x available to contribute to the household now.  Either you can accept it or you don’t.  Then you have to look at adverse changes, like if he loses his job (he still has those obligations)  or if you get divorced or something changes with the alimony (like she breaks the terms of the agreement or somehow lawyers need to get involved again) - can you be with this person and still somehow financially protect yourself?  No everyone is a fan or a prenup or separate finances.[/quote]

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Thanks for your thoughts. OP here. Realistically speaking, if he lost his job and were still due the alimony payments, we would need to think about this. The same with an illness that incapacitated him. I expect that we would go back to court to reduce the payments. The payments are such that a person in the DC area could live comfortably on them; especially since she does not have a mortgage payment. She is very well educated too. Everyone in the situation is. Since she doesn't need to rely on additional personal income, she is not aggressive in moving her career along. The ex is in her mid-50s.[/quote]
Why does an educated mid 50s woman need 15 years of alimony to get herself back into the workforce and be self supporting? [b]She sounds like a lazy abuser of ancient alimony laws. It's crazy this can still happen in 2018, thank god for alimony reform laws.[/b]

He should go back to court and have her fair market value income imputed against his payments, and the term greatly reduced based on a reasonable career trajectory.[/quote]

Because if she supported him in his career that is high earning, she is entitled to a slice of his future earnings. [/quote]

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