Reply to Marriage dynamics - one vs two income households

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I've been in a very similar situation, and I decided to stay home.

I do not regret it one bit.  I don't regret leaving my career (which I liked, but could be stressful, and didn't earn much - more like 50-60K), and I love being home with my children.

DH is also in big law, and, like you, I did (and do) EVERYTHING.  And when I say everything, I feel like people don't even realize what that entails: making plans with his mom for the holidays (and I don't even like her very much), remembering his sister's birthday, buying his freaking underwear, paying every bill and managing every investment, etc - plus all the obvious things parents do.  My DH doesn't even know how to use our washing machine and hardly knows where to find things in our house, but you know what?  He works his butt off at his job, and he still manages to ENJOY it (most of the time, anyway).

The people who say he "probably" won't make partner miss the point that you make it much more likely he might (or at least, he can take his best shot) if you are there to take care of everything at home and with your baby.

Also, I made the decision to stay home for my own reasons, but I always thought that if I had continued to work, I would have been extremely resentful at how much "home" stuff I had to do (it multiplies when you have kids, believe me).  I look at my friends who work, and their spouses work, AND the women do 80% of the "stuff", and I feel like I easily could have fallen into that situation - not because DH isn't feminist (he is) but because his job just wouldn't have allowed for him to do more.

Plus, the way DH and I have always understood it is this: he will make career decisions that, all other things equal, prioritize making a good living; and I will make career decisions that prioritize having time.  So right now he's in biglaw and I'm home; in a couple years it might be my working part-time (but home for the kids in the afternoon, able to stay home when someone is sick etc), and he'll be in private practice in some capacity.

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