Reply to Indictment of MCPS bus driver

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Now we know to be extremely aware of the red flags. And REPORT. Not your job to wait for evidence. Professionals will investigate and evaluate.[/quote]

And what are the red flags?[/quote]
Anything remotely creepy. You know.[/quote]

This stuff is always clearer in hindsight. One of my former middle school teachers (yes, he was MCPS) was arrested a little over a decade ago and served prison time for molestation. Based on what he pleaded guilty to, he was abusing boys when I had him. Everyone was going on and on about how they always knew he was a creep, how could nobody have done anything, etc. etc. No, we didn't know any such thing. He was a friendly guy and a very popular teacher and we were all gobsmacked when we heard the news. In hindsight, some friendly behaviors took on a much more sinister tinge, but nobody knew what he truly was before that point. What, we should have reported him for being male and nice? [/quote]
I thought this article (by Malcolm Gladwell in the New Yorker) was an excellent piece on abusers' behaviors and tactics. Your comment on how this teacher was friendly and popular reminded me of the article--it mentions how abusers are often friendly and popular figures of authority like teachers.  
"In Plain View: How Child Molesters Get Away With It"
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2012/09/24/in-plain-view

A long (and tough) but eye-opening and solid article....recommended reading for everyone here...[/quote]

Thank you for sharing the article.
It's a must-read for every parent.
[/quote]

It says:

"Children with vigilant parents are too risky."

Beware people, you need to become well-known as one of those VERY vigilant parents. It could help spare your child from becoming the next sexual assault victim.

"Better safe, than sorry."[/quote]

Defi itself a good reminder.  [/quote]
I'm the PP who posted this and I'm glad others appreciated the article. Since I first read it, I've heard now and then of other instances that confirm what you wrote--for example a tutor testing the boundaries with a parent (asking to teach child in room away from other people, etc.) and when the parent refused, the tutor quit--and later turned out to be an abuser.

Even if you aren't "well-known" to be a vigilant parent, just demonstrating consistently vigilant behavior will go a long way, as abusers can sense it. Sadly, they move on to other victims who are easier; that said, nothing wrong with also being vigilant on behalf of another child if you sense that something's amiss and the parent/guardian isn't at the scene or isn't as vigilant.

Anyways, please read, share, to understand the patterns, and trust your gut if something seems off--and show the other adult that you are paying attention. Also, teach your kids that 
1) it's OK for them to tell you about any situation/person that makes them uncomfortable, 
2) that this applies even if they can't put their finger on something that is obviously wrong,* and 
3) that it's possible that someone might tell them that "they [children] will get in trouble/hurt for telling their parents"; this is really just a trick that bad people would use to get kids not to tell, and it's not true that they'd get in trouble for telling.
Unfortunately, I imagine that some parents of the special needs children in the recent bus driver case may not have been able to have this kind of discussion with their children. But for those of us who can have these conversations with their kids, SN or not, I hope you can.

*In summer swim team (as a 9yo) I had a coach tell me something that made me feel weird (about me being pretty), and I quit that day. My mom could not understand why I quit suddenly and I did not feel I could explain. I did not have the language or context to understand why it made me feel uncomfortable so I said nothing, but just wanted to avoid that person completely from then on. I'm not sure what I would have wanted my mom to do, either, as it wasn't a lecherous/sexual comment.  So this is why I think it's useful to explain to kids that if something makes them feel uncomfortable, that is valid and you'll respect that, even if they're not able to pinpoint why what the other person did/said was explicitly wrong. I think abusers get their entry points by using grey areas. [/quote]

Thank you PP for posting.  As a parent who watched a child change so dramatically before coming forward to report what was happening on a MCPS sports team, abruptly quitting something a child used to love to do is a huge sign something is wrong.  We reported what we knew including my child's testimony of why he was scared and evidence of grooming behavior by a coach but MCPS did nothing.  For my child's safety, my child is no longer in MCPS.  I am afraid everyday that this pervert will just move on to another victim since the MCPS line in the sand is only to remove an employee when there is a criminal arrest.

Parents - please be vigilant.  [/quote]

Thank you so much for your post.[/quote]

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