Reply to Would it bother you if your husband...

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Would it bother you if your husband..."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here - Lots of food for thought here and I truly appreciate the comments! I actually think it is both passive aggressive AND trying not to be mean, if that makes sense. I don’t think he wants to hurt my feelings. Do we have an absolutely phenomenally fulfilling sex life? No. We also both work full-time and have young kids etc. etc. I would say our sex life is better than that of 75% of my friends’ obviously not knowing all the details.

My thought process in posting this was really to try to figure out what it is about at that bothers me. I think the guy who posted earlier sort of hit the nail on the head. It’s something I was going to do anyway... I feel like he is in some way telling me that our current sex life is not enough.. I did makes me feel cheap and controlled, like something you would do to a hooker.

I think a good solution is probably for me to get some stuff that I feel sexy in that could spice things up, but also for me to tell him directly that I do not like him beating around the bush (no pun intended, bwahaha) when it comes to this stuff.[/quote]

DH here:  some other food for thought.  1.  Unless you want to hurt his feelings, don't pitch this in terms of how your sex life compares to others.  He will likely interpret this as an attempt by you to ratchet down the sex based on what is "typical," although my sense is that you don't necessarily mean it that way.  Better to talk about what is or is not possible for you, as a couple, based on what you both want and the logistical constraints that are specific to you guys.  2.  Framing in terms of "control" and "cheap" suggests to me you have more of an incompatibility developing than you may think or want to admit.  It sounds to me you really don't want to set the precedent of doing things to sexually arouse him, even though they come at relatively little cost to you.  Why is that?  I don't know, and you don't have to tell us, but whether he asks explicitly or not, this will be on his mind.   Here's how it sounds to me:  he wants "more" and you want "less" (not necessarily frequency, but in terms of where sex sits in the pecking order of your marriage).  That may not be an issue yet, but it will be if it continues to grow.  Maybe that is inevitable, and maybe it isn't, but take it from someone who has been there to some extent:  these issue grow large over time if they are not managed effectively.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics