Reply to How do you know a man will be violent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Tangible signs:
Relationship moves quickly. He declares love before you really know each other well
[b]He makes little negative comments about you, your appearance, job, friends and family[/b]
He acts jealous (you think, wow! he really likes me)
He is cruel to animals
He presses for commitment early
He gets you to account for your time away from him
He gets you talking about past relationships (this will be used against you at a later time)

If a guy is going to turn out to be a psycho, I guarantee you will see one of these signs in the first 4-6 months. No one (especially an abuser) can remain on their best behavior for longer than 6 months. If you take your time getting to know someone and enjoy a slow paced developing relationship, you should have an easier time extracting yourself if things turn bad.[/quote]

For me the only one that was true is the one in bold. Which is also 1/2 of the marriage without abuse.  [/quote]

Undermining your self esteem and alienating you from friends and family is abuse. [/quote]

Saying it is gross that my grandmother takes out her dentures at the table is not abuse. 
Saying my brother is an inconsiderate dolt is not abuse.

Also, the comments that he made about me are verbally abusive but they also don't point to "getting violent" otherwise almost every woman I know would eventually get hit. [/quote]

What he said about your brother absolutely crosses the line. Look, my brother is an ass, but if anyone were to say it, I'd be pissed!

As far as abuse goes, there are degrees. The abuser uses whatever tactics are needed to keep you under control. What that entails may change over time (ie, verbal abuse, then physical abuse and physical abuse escalating to severe beatings). It could be that your abusive situation didn't require much effort on his part. That is not an insult. Abusive relationships involve two people and you either wittingly or unwittingly went along with his b.s. because it wasn't so bad, in your analysis. When his tactics changed, it was a bridge too far for you (I hope you're not still in it). [/quote]

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