Reply to How do you know a man will be violent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Tangible signs:
Relationship moves quickly. He declares love before you really know each other well
[b]He makes little negative comments about you, your appearance, job, friends and family[/b]
He acts jealous (you think, wow! he really likes me)
He is cruel to animals
He presses for commitment early
He gets you to account for your time away from him
He gets you talking about past relationships (this will be used against you at a later time)

If a guy is going to turn out to be a psycho, I guarantee you will see one of these signs in the first 4-6 months. No one (especially an abuser) can remain on their best behavior for longer than 6 months. If you take your time getting to know someone and enjoy a slow paced developing relationship, you should have an easier time extracting yourself if things turn bad.[/quote]

For me the only one that was true is the one in bold. Which is also 1/2 of the marriage without abuse.  [/quote]

In the first 6 months to a year?  I will admit to having made “little negative comments” about my husband’s job/Family now, after 10 years of marriage (and not frequently) but while we were dating? No.  That would definitely be a red flag for me in the early stages of dating and with any regularity later on.  My husband was unfriendly to my recent, long-term ex when we started dating, and I was concerned about that.   [/quote]

Except when we remove ourselves from our family of origin and connect with another human being we begin to see how things our family did might not be healthy. That is normal part of growing up and evolving from our family of origin.

My MIL actually fed my son until he threw up (Italian) because she shows love with food, guess what ... that is bad. If I say it, it's not alienating his family from him, it is a healthy way to realize things from your childhood were not perfect and changing for the good.

It's calling out every single little "sign" as a "sign" that confuses women of abuse.

"little negative comments" are normal. Refusing to let you spend Thanksgiving with your family because of "little negative things" is not normal. [/quote]

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