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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She is right. If I were her I wouldn't have said anything, but here on Dcum we are always advised to tell it like it is. It is clear that she tried to keep her mouth shut, but was too hurt and couldn't keep it to herself. Just because SIL 2 might be shy and introverted doesn't mean you should be callous towards her. Plus, who plans all out parties for 30th birthday? Anyone would get their feelings hurt towards such favoritism,the fact that she actually said something should show you how unfair that whole thing was and introverted people still have emotions.[/quote]
I'm introverted.  I honestly wouldn't want a big party.  My ideal night would be a special diner out with my husband because I'm an introvert. HOWEVER, I would not begrudge someone else having a large party.  It has nothing to do with me. SIL2 was not just disregarded or treated callously.  She had a party too!! [/quote]

That is all good for you. But you are not her SIL2. People are different. In wise words of dcum, OP's feeling are valid because she has them, SIL2 feeling are valid because she has them. She can't help it. OP now knows that SIL2 feels the odd one out, right? OP's title is misleading, SIL is not self centered, SIL was feeling hurt. All valid emotions. And the whole post is so crazy that I can just imagine how over the top with self pat on the back OP is. I mean almost whole page about how she organized, made it perfect, choose the right gift made a big hoopla for SIL1. All can be summed in, we made a huge party for one SIL got her a great present, and my other SIL was hurt because her party and present were not as nice. Also, why start with SIL2 is not social, not this, not that, apart from SIL 2 not being that social, it seems that she is a nice person who was hurt. She was, but she is not self centered, she just told OP how she feels and OP attacked her for it. Why? Why not say, "I am so sorry you feel this way, I can see where you are coming from. I wasn't in charge of your party and I can see your point."[/quote] 
I’m hurt because I didn’t win the lotto. That’s my feeling so it’s valid?  I guess. It’s not reasonable for SIL2 to be feeling this way IMO. The social part is very pertinent. Do you feel it reasonable to spend little time socializing with someone and then expect them to throw you a party? Relationships are like much else - you get out what you put in. SIL2 should realize she’s not putting effort in so she doesn’t get the reward (party). I would agree it’s selfish of SIL2 to make this an issue about her, and she was wrong to bring it up in the first place.  
From my perspective, OP did nothing wrong except for her reaction which I believe she admitted was harsh.  They both need to apologize - op for her response and SIL2 for being a whiny brat. [/quote]

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