Reply to Dad told us tween was rude and doesn't want anymore visits- how to handle?

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[quote=Anonymous]Your DS was wrong for not thanking step-grandma. But he’s an 11 year old boy, and still evolving.  You should be able to tell him SGM put effort into his visit, point out that his behavior was hurtful, have him call and say that he realizes he forgot to thank her, and that was a mistake, and that he appreciates X and Y that she did for him. Problem solved.  Lesson learned for your kid.

Your dad, on the other hand, is a grown ass adult who could have spoken up at the time and reminded your kid he had not thanked SGM.  At which point your child probably would have realized his mistake, and given a heartfelt thank you.

Sometimes 11 year old year old boys are clueless. It’s not an excuse for bad behavior, but it does mean you might need to prompt them.

It bothers me a lot more that your father wants to your kid out of his life. It’s manipulative and a serious over reaction if this really is about one instance of a tween forgetting his manners.  Family doesn’t cut off family for forgetting a thank you— especially when the person forgetting is a kid.

If I were you, I would be a lot more upset with my dad for being okay with blowing up his relationship with my kid over what was likely a mistake.

I’d also remember and remind your dad that sooner than you realize, summer visits will stop unless the kids really want to maintain them. By late Mms, and definately HS, kids have a lot of competing demands on their time.  And once you have a HS student, they end up having a lot of say in what their relationship with grandparents looks like. Your dad can pitch a temper tantrum now. But he shouldn’tbe surprised that if he proves a point by not inviting your kid next summer, you kid chooses to spend the one week the get in high school between working and interning and summer school and summer sports or band practice starting 8/1 to go see the grandma who loves and accepts them even when they make mistakes.

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