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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - going forward, remember to treat their adopted kids as you would any other children in the family.

Remember, though, that even if physically obvious that these children are not of their DNA, the adoption is their story to tell. Not yours.  [/quote]

So I guess OP should ignore the adopted kids since that’s how her own kids were treated? Funny how that works![/quote]

I'm the one who wrote this bit:

Well, that never crossed my mind, because I am not a vengeful person and acknowledge that we are all imperfect people.  BIL and SIL didn't handle their sorrow particularly well (I understand their pain, but their silence also caused pain) but if they were my family, I'd just move on and welcome them back.

That's what we do in my family. It explains how such radically different people with different world views can always show up for each other without judgment in a crisis.  We aren't so great at the day-to-day (we can be judgy and gossipy within the family) but when it really matters, we show up.

[/quote]

Doesn't sound like the SIL shares your view, unfortunately.

Some people just don't care about family. Your family does, and my family does, and most of my inlaws' family does ... except my MIL's brother, DH's uncle. He makes less than zero effort to see family members who live within 30 mins of him and would exert themselves to see him at the location of his choice. I say less than zero because he not only won't put himself out by a millimeter but won't even facilitate others doing all the work. My DH used to be very close to him as a child. Yet despite living 30 mins away, the uncle has never met our kids and hasn't seen DH for years, either. The last time I saw him was at our wedding 10 years ago! And this is despite multiple attempts to reach out. He returns calls and brags about his active life and that's it.

So, yeah. I'm usually a forgiving and live-and-let-live person, but there are some cases that call for more. Uncle is one of them. If he ever came waltzing back acting like he should be part of the family again, I would give him a piece of my mind before forgiving him. Not that I think he would give a shit. But if he did -- he should know what a selfish ass he's been, regardless of whatever reason he has had (which is a big mystery to us all). If OP's brother and SIL are anything like this, she has a right to be upset. It doesn't means she shouldn't forgive them. But it doesn't mean they should get off scot-free, either.[/quote]

I'm sorry you faced all that crap and bil sounds like a schmuck.  As for OP's SIL (and BIL, too): we were only talking a little bit of time - a few years. I would try to get past it. I might say something later when things were restored to balance, or not.

Life is long. Grudges are unhealthy.

As for my family - yeah, my brother can do some crappy things. He might say the same about me.  [/quote]

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