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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Try to imagine what it was like for them to watch ALL the "other siblings" have kids in the past two years while that's what they desperately wanted and could not have.  Just sit for a minute and try.

For the first baby, they could probably manage.  But then the next one came, and they were still in the same spot.  And then another.  Same spot.  Then another, same spot.  And all these relatives were inviting them to baby showers and baptisms/bris events and then giving them side eye for not coming.

You know why I skipped one of my dearest friend's baby shower?  I couldn't do it.  Another of our friends was going to be there too, hugely pregnant.  I was on year 3 of NOT being able to get pregnant.  I wanted it so badly and I felt so awful DAILY that I couldn't make it happen.  I could not sit there and coo over baby stuff.  I'd done it just a month earlier for another friend, and it almost broke me.  I was surrounded by pregnant friends at every turn (all early 30s married women).

The worst part?  I hated myself for it.  I felt weak and humiliated that I just could not fake it anymore.  I felt sad and desperate and irrational and bitter.  The only thing worse than FEELING that way was everyone else KNOWING I felt that way.  I hated that I had a hard time just being happy for my friends.  I wanted them to be happy!  I was just so so sad for me.

My advice: love their new kid like crazy, do your best to facilitate the cousin relationship, and DROP the slights or whatever else.  If you are close enough you can say "I'm sorry for what you've gone through, that must have been hard".  
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From someone who's been there -- this is so well put.[/quote]

You know, I've been there too, as have many others, without severing relationships. [b]Do you not go to friends' weddings if you're not married? Not celebrate with a friend who got a promotion because you didn't get one? Not forge a relationship with your nieces and nephews -- who, news flash, are your family too -- because you couldn't have kids?[/b]

Those saying OP is the selfish one should take a look at their own behavior and recommendations. In my book it's far more selfish to cut off relationships and only think about oneself and one's own pain, than it is to wonder why one's own brother and SIL never met one's kids. A couple months is one thing but OP implied it's been years. You all really think you can just blow off friends and family for years while you deal with your own pain, and then once you solve it or come to terms with it you can waltz back in like nothing happened and expect them to accept you, no questions asked, no resentment? When you blow off relationships like that, you're hurting the other person. You may be doing it out of your own pain but you are still inflicting pain.

I disagree with all these posters. OP has a right to be upset. I'm sorry for the SIL and brother, but they have acted badly here. [/quote]

It's so much more than just not getting or having something.  It may have been that way for you, but for some, it's life altering - it's stripping away a part of you and making you revisit who you thought you were your whole life.  I find it unbelievable that you'd compare that to getting a promotion and saying you've been through it.  Maybe you had IF issues for a little while but came away from that with a child, or you didn't feel the need to be a parent as much as others, but you have a very narrow view of it.[/quote]

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