Reply to Help me navigate this type of argument or response with my DH

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think 11:11 has it exactly right. If your dh will go to counseling and work on his core issues, great, but either way I don't think it's reasonable or fair to constantly tell your spouse what they should be doing or not doing. We all do things that annoy other people.  [/quote]

New poster.
Replies like the one above beg the question: So, rather than ask (not tell, ask) her DH to do some minor things that make the whole household work better for everyone in it (not solely for OP), what should OP do, day to day? Be silent and just do those things herself? Pick up his stuff, haul his mugs to the kitchen etc. rather than ask him to deal with his own stuff? Yes, she can find better ways to phrase what she says, and she's open to making that change.

It's easy to say from outside, it's not reasonable to ask him to do this or that. Yet the "this or that" tasks still need to be done, unless OP goes the passive-aggressive route of simply leaving DH's cups and clothes and junk wherever it lies until it piles up. I'm pretty sure her DH eventually would turn on her for doing that too. She can't win.

OP already indicated that the issues are actually bigger than the examples she gave, so it seems clear that these arguments and DH's habit of "Well, I may do X but YOU always do Y" are not just about dirty dishes and clothes. OP, please get marriage counseling. You can learn to communicate with him better too. And see if your DH will get into individual therapy because the way he argues indicated its probably a very deeply ingrained response he probably learned all his life. [/quote]

Why?  What happens if you pick up someone else’s dirty coffee cup?  As long as these tasks don’t add up to more than ten minutes a day, I just don’t see what the big deal is.  It certainly seems easier and more pleasant than having a “conversation “ about it.  [/quote]

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