Reply to Help me navigate this type of argument or response with my DH

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, take this for what it's worth.  I'm a marriage therapist and I've been married for 30 years.

It doesn't matter what your husband is doing, you are the one that needs to change because he may never change.

First piece of advice - pick up the mugs yourself and put them in the sink.  Don't want to do that?  Okay, then be prepared to have this discussion about dirty mugs for another 20 years.  This is so easy for you to just take care of, who cares if it's "your" job or "his" job.

Second, if you are going to make an issue of the mugs just use a few words, no need to go on and on since you've probably had this conversation a hundred times.

"I would really appreciate it if you would put your mugs in the sink."

End of discussion.  He can retort with whatever he'd like, just say "mmm hmmm" and keep on moving through your day.

Same with the lights example.

The money thing - I believe if their is enough money for the essentials then nobody has any  business telling anybody else how to spend money.  Again, you may disagree but you wouldn't like it if it was done to you.

And my last piece of advice, stop watching everything he does and says, he's allowed to not be perfect and so are you. Let it go.[/quote]

This stuff really piles up in a house with an ADHD spouse and parent. It is constant and never-ending and gross.

Life is too short to live in a pigsty or with a pig. Seriously.

You almost have to reconcile it as someone with a disability and then decide if that's the life you want and thats the partner-in-life you want. [/quote]

I'm the PP and I actually do have an Adhd spouse and child. I don't live in a pig sty, I clean it myself. I just recognize that being in a neat house is important to me and not my spouse. If I sit around waiting for him to change then I will spend my whole life angry.

Just because something is important to you doesn't mean it's important to your spouse. If it's important to you then do it yourself. I'm not discussing what's "fair", I'm just being realistic.

My husband has a thousand other wonderful attributes, I choose to focus on those sound don't get resentful of the housework. I highly recommend this approach,it's a choice to live your life with anger and resentment. [/quote]

I work FT and so does ADHD husband. If he comes home and makes a mess, he damn well sure is cleaning it up himself ASAP.  Not me. If he can't do that, we can hire a housecleaner to follow him around for $25/hour like a pooper scooper.  So he better be pulling in bank or picking up after himself. Or just stay out of the house. That'll keep it tidier and cleaner as well. 
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