Reply to Help me navigate this type of argument or response with my DH

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, take this for what it's worth.  I'm a marriage therapist and I've been married for 30 years.

It doesn't matter what your husband is doing, you are the one that needs to change because he may never change.

First piece of advice - pick up the mugs yourself and put them in the sink.  Don't want to do that?  Okay, then be prepared to have this discussion about dirty mugs for another 20 years.  This is so easy for you to just take care of, who cares if it's "your" job or "his" job.

Second, if you are going to make an issue of the mugs just use a few words, no need to go on and on since you've probably had this conversation a hundred times.

"I would really appreciate it if you would put your mugs in the sink."

End of discussion.  He can retort with whatever he'd like, just say "mmm hmmm" and keep on moving through your day.

Same with the lights example.

[b]The money thing - I believe if their is enough money for the essentials then nobody has any  business telling anybody else how to spend money.  Again, you may disagree but you wouldn't like it if it was done to you.[/b]

And my last piece of advice, stop watching everything he does and says, he's allowed to not be perfect and so are you. Let it go.[/quote]

"Enough money for the essentials" is a low bar.  Partners need to decide together how to use their joint financial resources.  If a spouse's expensive hobby is impairing their ability to save or curtailing another family member's choices, or causing retirement to be delayed eventually, then it is most certainly the other spouse's business and s/he is certainly justified in raising it as an issue.[/quote]

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