Reply to Hosting step-grandson for two weeks- how to deal with food fussiness

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Former, picky eater here- heavy handed tactics don't work. It's the smell, texture, flavor of veggies or certain foods-- some kids can't abide it, and react more strongly. At twelve, I would sit and starve before eating a cooked carrot. 
Sensory issues and inflexibility will calm down when they are adults as long as it's not linked to a lot of bad memories of being told to "clean their plate" or going hungry because the smell of cooked broccoli is overwhelming.  
Introducing food to try without pressure or embarrassment works great. I was around twelve when I realized that food could be mixed up in a burrito and taste great- it was a no pressure family dinner at a Mexican restaurant. No one cared whether I ate my burrito or not. 
[/quote]
Thanks for this. This has basically been our approach and gives me hope for my one picky eater, age 12. [/quote]

+1. This is the right approach. I have a below the 5th percentile in BMI, sensory issues, will starve herself to death rather than eat, has been evaluated by CMC kid.  And yet my mother acts like OP and eyeballs veggies not eaten and pressures for a clean plate. DD now is too anxious to visit the grandparents without us, because the fussing about food and pressure to eat when she doesn’t want to.  So she has panic attacks at meals. It has ruined her relationship with her grandparents.

Here is what the other grandparents do and what we do at home: take her to the grocery store and let her pick out food she likes, mostly healthy, some junk.  We end up with grilled chicken , cheese/cheese sticks, quesidillas, sliced turkey, wheat bread, apple and carrot sticks, oranges, goldfish, granola bars, yogurt, milk. With these foods, we have a kid fed for a week.  When she is hungry she eats her food— she really needs the calories. At mealtimes, if she does not like what the family is eating, she makes what she wants— often a turkey and cheese sandwich and carrot sticks or a cheese and chicken quesadilla. Her grandma makes her French toast for breakfast, which she loves.

You can work with the kid or against him OP.

Plus, my parents are divorced, so my kids have stepgrandparents. You may emphasize the STEP part, but most kids just see grandparents.  They don’t have the whole complicated backstory. Three sets of “real grandparents” is their view on how things have always been.   If you make his visit uncomfortable, you will drive him away OP. Which might be fine with you.  But you would also drive him away from your husband, who seems to want a relationship with him.  If you”win” and the kid is miserable and never comes back, have you really won if you messed this up for your DH and he resents you for it?  If you can’t find love and respect for the kid, at least try to find some for your husband. [/quote]

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