Reply to MIL demanding monetary gift for Father's Day from every child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

What is the appropriate gift for HS graduation and baby shower? Thanks[/quote]

Wow. I'd say $50ish for each gift.[/quote]

Ok. I just though HS graduation and baby shower happens only once while Father's Day every year, hence smaller gift. I guess my reasoning is wrong.[/quote]

Yes $200 and $150 is much too much unless the graduation is your child or grandchild (not nephew) or the baby showers are for one of your siblings (or siblings in law), so for the birth of a niece or nephew.  $50-100 is much more reasonable.

You were planning to spend $500 on gifts.  Redistribute to $100 per gift and you'll only spend $400 and still be within the same budget.

Additionally, when such interactions occur with your in-laws, do not comment directly to the in-laws.  Make your comments to your husband and let him manage his siblings and parents.  So, you commented to your husband that you thought it was a bit much and he said essentially "What's the problem?" because he didn't see it as a problem.  That means that you stay out of it unless you are trying to say that this violates a previously agreed upon budget or that you think it is excessive.  Judging by your intended graduation/baby shower gifts that would just come across as not liking his parents and wanting to be rude to them.[/quote]

Thank you. That's great idea to redistribute.
My whole problem with Father's Day gift is that it is not first time when MIL asking for specific gift. She also likes to judge the gifts she is getting from other people. Like my SIL( her daughter) has very many children and once sent something very small on Father's Day, while BIL usually just calls to say "happy Father's Day". So this year she organized everything herself to get the right gift. I am not sure the reason behind it, maybe my FIL complains at home to her or else?[/quote]

You're welcome.

Some people like to have small celebrations for Mother's/Father's Day but once every few years have a big party and/or gift.   It's not up to you to judge how their family celebrates.  That's why I said to defer to your husband for how reasonable or unreasonable this request is.  You express to him your concern or judgment that you didn't expect this to be a big gift holiday.  He'll help you figure out what works in their family.  Then he can run interference.

Based on your other comments, if you normally give a big gift for birthday or Christmas, the give the big gift now with the family and at the next birthday/Christmas, talk to your husband about giving FIL a smaller gift on the next occasion because you've already given a big gift once this year.  Then follow his lead.

While you want to be more generous for graduations/baby showers because they are one time deals, I would suggest you reconsider.  What most people do is give bigger gifts or be more generous with family and close friends and give smaller size gifts and amounts to  those you are less close with.  In this case, hopefully, your in-laws will be family for the rest of your and/or their lives.  Think of this money as an investment in family harmony for the future and in trying to maintain good relationships with these people for the long haul.  Some of the friends/acquaintances that you go to baby showers for, you may be close with now and go your own ways in a few years and be less close.  It's sad, but not nearly as difficult if you develop distance with a friend or acquaintance.  It makes things much more difficult if you develop a distance with a relative or in-law that you may be sharing family events and functions with for many, many years in the future.[/quote]

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