Reply to Can a cheating husband still be a good parent?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Can a cheating husband still be a good parent?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I'm wondering this myself.  I feel on one hand, yes.  The parent/child relationship is a separate thing.  On the other hand, being a serial cheater means there's a part of you that has no problem with lying, cheating, sneaking, gas-lighting, etc when it suits you.

My ex cheated on his first wife with me (and others) but told me he was divorced and essentially lied to me throughout our courtship.  (not debating here my stupidity/ignorance whatever) I did find out eventually but felt he was a good person who made a bad mistake in lying to me. Ha! Turns out that's who he is.  His ex flipped out, kicked him out, alienated the children (still does years later), told them daddy found a new family, everything bad that happens to any of them is his fault and on and on.  Having lived with him and his children half time plus, I always thought he was a good dad.  He was the one ultimately always there for them.  He always had a close relationship with them and really tried to limit talking bad about the ex unless it was to defend her alienating messages. THIS is what is the WORST for kids.  The fighting, the alienation as much as I understand why.

Me? When I found out about all his cheating I didn't do any of those things even though I was devastated.  I'll do everything I can to stay calm and facilitate a relationship with our child and his father.  Because THAT is best for my son.  I can't say he will escape the repercussions of his dad's cheating ways but I'm going to do what I can to help him have the best outcome.  I even talk to my stepdaughters about it - your dad is flawed, but he's your dad and you can have a relationship with him.  Look at the relationship he had with YOU and let that be your guide. But they have a hard time with getting along with a dad who could treat their mom that way.  Understandably.

Someday my son will find out the truth.  But I will give him my best shot at being a happy healthy person.  Ultimately, yes his dad is responsible for putting his own selfish needs first.  But I'm going to mitigate the damage the best I can and my child will know that.  He can make his own choice as an adult what kind of person he thinks his dad is and if he wants a relationship with him.  I do wonder should I fight custody because underneath it all my ex is a shitty person.  I don't want my son around that.  But, ultimately I feel that would be MORE damaging because kids don't understand.  So I will do what I can.  ( I have 50/50 with my older son but there was no cheating involved and he's a very well adjusted kid - my stepdaughters aren't because of the shit they've been dragged through UGH.) [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics