Reply to Holding back a very bright, but socially immature child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know this is an old post but I am going to throw this out there anyway. My first grader was born early and very tiny but never struggled with meeting his milestones as he grew. He is small for his age and one of the youngest in the class. We have been reading to him since in utero and he is quite well spoken for a boy so young (some people say he is like talking to a 40 year old). I think he has social issues because of his vocabulary (and vocabulary comprehension) is so much much more advanced than his peers. Instead of recognizing his intelligence, his teacher thinks he is socially immature and should be held back. Academically, he is right where he should be. The teacher has indicated that she does not care for him with a few comments that she has made about him. For example, she doesn't like how he looks at her, she feels like he looks right through her like "he is going to tear her apart". She has also mentioned that she is "really trying" to show him compassion. I don't feel that it would be a benefit for him to stay back since there is clearly a personality clash. We decided to have him tested because she was concerned that his social and emotional state is affecting his academics. The tests confirmed that not only is he capable, he is quite intelligent. My husband and I are not social creatures and she is forcing him to be part of the "team". I think he has decided that she is pretentious and that he doesn't want to perform for her. So how do you deal with a situation where both parties are being stubborn? [/quote]

PP, If the teacher indeed said she didn’t like the way he looks at her, I suggest you take a deeper look at why she’s saying that.  To me, it suggests that he is looking at her with hostility.

He way you phrased your e-mail is also hostile, i.e. that you and your husband are not social creatures and your son is being forced to be part of a team; that he doesn’t want to perform for her.

Perhaps there were some negative interactions early on that set a certain tone in the interactions among all of you.  However, being intelligent does not mean that you cannot learn to interact well with other people.  My son is highly gifted and also has an advanced vocabulary - testing at the 11th grade.  He gets on well with most teachers. Our family is pretty social, and our son gets a lot of exposure to and practice interacting with a wide range of people.

I think it’s quite possible your son is having difficulties socially, most likely because of the negative lens you place on being social.  It is a vitally important skill, and if you value your son’s happiness, you may want to put greater effort into helping him develop social skills.  [/quote]

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