Reply to When did you know you were ready to have kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  DH and I want kid(s - more will be decided after first one).  We had a rough time finding jobs/were underemployed for a very long time + lots of undegrad and grad student debt so we never felt we could have a kid if we were struggling to pay rent on a crappy but affordable studio apartment, which is why we don't yet have children.  We both finally found decent jobs in the last 2 years and were able to pay down some loans + buy a home.  Having children was not right for us previously no matter how much we wanted it.

My ob appt last week was a wake up call that I just wasn't expecting.  It was the first time anyone had said now is the time to start trying if you want a kid.  I think I was more shocked about it went from "any concerns" "no" "ok" end of dr appt last year to "you are now at advanced maternal age" & "you need to start trying during your next cycle if you want to have kids or you may not able to naturally" etc.   [b]Maybe she could have discussed it earlier than an its now or never stuff I got.[/b]

Most of my friends do not yet have children or are just starting to have kids.  None of my best friends have kids yet, and one has been with her DH since high school.  We all have prioritized our careers (or just gaining stability during the years after the recession with lots and lots of private school debt).

I guess I always thought I'd be really ready when the time came, and I'm scared of all the unknowns - will the birth be painful, will I pee when I sneeze forever, will my kid be normal, will we be able to afford daycare, how much mommy shamming will I have to endure, etc.

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Honestly OP, re your OB it sounds like maybe that's what you needed to hear. If you're 35 and this isn't really even on your radar, you DO need a kick in the pants.

Re: none of your friends having kids yet....ok. First of all, do out know for a fact that they all WANT kids, or that they haven't been trying already? Second...the fact of the matter, whether it's fair or not, is that you have pcos. You're AMA AND you have pcos...if you do want kids, the matter is more urgent for you.

Re: the fears you listed...yep, kind of comes with the territory. That's not going to magically go away if you wait 2 years. And in fact, some of those things may just get harder the longer you wait - people have commented that recovery is harder the older you are, and obviously the risk of birth defects goes up with maternal (and parernal) age. Your birth may suck more than anything ever, but aaauming you do actually want kids there will be zero question in your mind that it was worth it. And maybe it'll be easy. There are and always will be many unknowns, and that's true whether you had a kid at 22 or 38. Mommy shaming may happen regardless; you're an adult and you need to decide you won't let it bother you. You also need to stop with all the increasing excuses...if you want a kid, start trying.

I'm curious: in your mind are you just going to pull the goalie and be pregnant 3 weeks later? How do you feel when you consider a scenario where you decide to start trying and 6 months later you're still not pregnant? Would you worry?[/quote]

OP here.  I'm adopted and had a great life, so I'm okay adopting if things don't work naturally.  We have time to save for that too if that is the case.  I think that is maybe why I'm on the fence because I know we could afford to adopt in 3 years if we needed to in order to become parents.  [/quote]

How much do you know about the adoption process?? [b]If you want to adopt a baby...the money isn't even close to being the biggest hurdle.[/b] [/quote]

I'm an adoptee, too, and would have been totally fine with adoption, but it's just not like it was when I was a baby.  Adoption is a terrible Plan B if you're already AMA.

And you know, you might pee when you sneeze for the rest of your life.  But you'll have your baby.  All the other stuff you listed--yeah, it's real, but none of it is a reason not to have a baby.  (And if you can't afford daycare, you aren't going to be able to afford adoption + daycare.  Or fertility treatments + daycare.)  If you know you want a baby, my advice would be to stop using BC sooner rather than later.  [/quote]

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