Reply to When did you know you were ready to have kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  DH and I want kid(s - more will be decided after first one).  We had a rough time finding jobs/were underemployed for a very long time + lots of undegrad and grad student debt so we never felt we could have a kid if we were struggling to pay rent on a crappy but affordable studio apartment, which is why we don't yet have children.  We both finally found decent jobs in the last 2 years and were able to pay down some loans + buy a home.  Having children was not right for us previously no matter how much we wanted it.

My ob appt last week was a wake up call that I just wasn't expecting.  It was the first time anyone had said now is the time to start trying if you want a kid.  I think I was more shocked about it went from "any concerns" "no" "ok" end of dr appt last year to "you are now at advanced maternal age" & "you need to start trying during your next cycle if you want to have kids or you may not able to naturally" etc.   Maybe she could have discussed it earlier than an its now or never stuff I got.

[b]Most of my friends do not yet have children or are just starting to have kids.  None of my best friends have kids yet[/b], and one has been with her DH since high school.  We all have prioritized our careers (or just gaining stability during the years after the recession with lots and lots of private school debt).

I guess I always thought I'd be really ready when the time came, and I'm scared of all the unknowns - will the birth be painful, will I pee when I sneeze forever, will my kid be normal, will we be able to afford daycare, how much mommy shamming will I have to endure, etc.

[/quote]

there are those childless bubbles that can give you a very misleading impression on when it is time to have kids. the reality is that a vast majority of people/women your age have finished - rather than not even started - their childbearing. but you might not be seeing it because you live in an extreme bubble. and the reality is that several people from those bubble (not you, necessarily) will experience significant difficulties (medical, financial) on their road to having children.

i went through this myself and i was one of the lucky ones. i spent a lot of time getting a phd, and nobody in my program (i.e. all my colleagues) and majority of female professors didn't have kids. add to this that i naturally gravitated toward childless friends, that my much older brother hasn't had kids yet and i started trying at age 37. i was lucky that it all worked our pretty easily but i have several friends/colleagues who have struggled.

my advice is to jump on this immediately.[/quote]

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