Reply to I was given a huge reality check about my failed marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Woman here. There’s a lot of women on this thread who are going to wake up one day and be shocked that their marriages collapsed and will blame everyone but never look into their own role. Focusing on your spouse doesn’t mean becoming a sex-slave in high heels in pearls, but making time to put the baby down, talk about something else, and remaining connected as a couple. In this age of competitive parenting it is mostly the women making themselves nuts about feeding and napping schedules, freaking out about any sitters ever, and focusing the entire family life on the kid. When I first had my kid, it drove me nuts when DH wasn’t worrying about doing things “the right way” and was just getting things done in a haphazard way and “forgetting” about the plan and schedules. However, a few months in, I realized that he was actually taking a healthier appproach and we were more than simply parents to a baby human. Things got done, the kid was happy and healthy, and parents kept their connection.

OP, I wish you the best in the future -you were not at fault, but congrats to you for thinking about how you might use relationship skills differently in the future. [/quote]

This is the opposite of what I see with strong marriages.

What I find is that every marriage has a time where you can't "focus on their spouse".  Like, infant/toddlers, death of a parent, child with cancer, loss of a job (men are the worse with this), cancer, depression, deployed overseas..... you name it. There is a time in your life that your spouse will not "focus on you". The good marriages are running marathons. They keep their eye on the prize and don't let their little feeling get hurt when the going gets rough.

There is not 1 marriage that does not have tough times. If you want to cut and run and "blame the rough times" go for it. But there is no life without hard times. It's the people that can cope and deal with these times without blaming their spouse that have the strongest marriage.    [/quote]

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