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[quote=Anonymous]NP here. You have my empathy as a pregnant mom to a very intense almost 5 year old. It's so hard.

I agree wirh rhe posters who encourage Positive Discipline as opposed to punitive discipline like time outs and taking toys away. It sounds like with all the aggressive behaviors that your son is actually asking for connection, confident leadership and firm boundaries. When others, like parents or teachers,  are rattled by his behavior and unable to set and enforce limits ("I won't let you hit. I will sit with you and help you find a way to express your frustration") and/or lose their own cool, he suddenly has WAY too much power. That is truly scary to a small child to feel like you can unmoor the adults in your life so easily.

Small children don't have great impulse control or sophisticated emotional regulation of the brain yet. He sounds pretty normal to me, just that he needs to feel connected and guided to learn intrinsic self-discipline and have adults that model emotional self-regulation. My husband and I have gone through some very tense periods and arguing and our son was totally picking up on the tension and poor modeling and reacting accordingly.  I'm not advocating against therapy or evaluation,  but I'd also be cautious about pathologising such a young child who sounds like he might be having very normal reactions for his age and circumstances.

Teachers should be in board with a plan to address hitting and agression. A close shadow BEFORE it gets to that point, firm limits, consequences that are natural and logical  ("I can't let you play with the blocks right now because you are using them for hurting. When you are calm again you may play with the blocks.").  When he is calm, make a plan WITH him for calm down strategies and time in. If he is abke to successfully calm down, he will be taking the first step to emotional self regulation.  He will feel confident. Punishments that shame or take away connections will have the opposite effect.

Recommended:
Facebook groups: Visible Child/Robin Enzig, RIE for Older Parents, Janet Lansbury's and Rebecca Eanes pages
https://visiblechild.wordpress.com/
Janet Lansbury anything,  blog and books 
Aha Parenting web site: 
http://www.ahaparenting.com/
Book:
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen

Lots more resources on the web sites.

Lastly,  self care OP.   Recharge your tank so you can support your son. [/quote]

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