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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Interesting you said "chose to throw her life away" as though there is no possible redemption for her.  Addicts do recover all the time, many without benefit of rehab.  Family, or someone who acts like family, stepping in with real help, not enabling, is almost always the way it happens, together, often, with lots of NA.

Your in-laws are enabling and expecting you to do the same.  You need to have a heart to heart discussion with them about it and tell them you will not participate in enabling.  They could really benefit from some Naranon meetings and you or your DH should offer to take them.

From there the steps are clear.  What is it about your background that has you jump to writing off a human being, especially one to whom you are related, instead of a more constructive and human approach?

Oh, and yes, I have been there and done that.  [/quote]
OP here. I asked you how you and your spouse navigated the issue of financially supporting the addict and the relatives enabling him/her before there was a crisis. You responded with more rambling about what a saint you are for putting the addict in law back together. Clearly, you want kudos. So, applause, applause, applause. Take a bow. I am not taking what little free time I have in my life after handling my responsibilities and problems to fight the addiction battle for SIL AND fight the denial battle for MIL/FIL. If that makes me a bad person, I’ll be bad every day of my life.[/quote]

PP here. That is not me that you are responding to. I am certainly no saint but your reaction is over the top, along with your pettiness about sharing the cost of a family dinner.

But to answer your question, years ago before it was a crisis, we figured out what we were willing to do. Along with another sibling, we set my brother up in a house that we bought in an area where he should have been able to make it work. It wasn’t great but it seemed like it should work. Then we moved on. Unfortunately things imploded for my brother and then another sibling developed substance abuse issues. We stayed involved and paid for our share of family events. But we never went back on our decision about support.

Now, I will say that if either of my siblings had ever become homeless, we would have re-evaluated.  I don’t think I could live with myself if we could prevent my brother from living under a bridge.  One brother has since died from an overdose (which was one of my most painful life experiences) and someday we may find ourselves having to figure out whether we decide to contribute to my other brother.  Thing is for us is that while we aren’t willing to care for my brother until there is a crisis, we are not the sort of people who will walk away from our family if we have the ability to prevent a catastrophe. [/quote]

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