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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Interesting you said "chose to throw her life away" as though there is no possible redemption for her.  Addicts do recover all the time, many without benefit of rehab.  Family, or someone who acts like family, stepping in with real help, not enabling, is almost always the way it happens, together, often, with lots of NA.

Your in-laws are enabling and expecting you to do the same.  You need to have a heart to heart discussion with them about it and tell them you will not participate in enabling.  They could really benefit from some Naranon meetings and you or your DH should offer to take them.

From there the steps are clear.  What is it about your background that has you jump to writing off a human being, especially one to whom you are related, instead of a more constructive and human approach?

Oh, and yes, I have been there and done that.  [/quote]
OP here. I asked you how you and your spouse navigated the issue of financially supporting the addict and the relatives enabling him/her before there was a crisis. You responded with more rambling about what a saint you are for putting the addict in law back together. Clearly, you want kudos. So, applause, applause, applause. Take a bow. I am not taking what little free time I have in my life after handling my responsibilities and problems to fight the addiction battle for SIL AND fight the denial battle for MIL/FIL. If that makes me a bad person, I’ll be bad every day of my life.[/quote]

Again, so angry.  Sounds like you have a long history of disagreements with the in laws and really don't like them for a host of other reasons.

You do not support SIL financially and you tell the in laws--better, DH tells his parents, that you will not enable her addiction by supporting her financially.  In the kindest possible way, DH or you point out that their enabling is just getting her stuck further and further into the spiral of addiction.  You tell them they need to hear from others who have been in this situation by going to Naranon.  DH should offer to take them.

I also notice that you haven't said much about your DH.  Is it because you keep complaining to him about the money--or your money as you seem to have it.  Of course he would get very defensive about that approach--this is his sister, after all, and your reducing it all down to your money is going to sound cold and like an attack on him.

Take a different tack that shows some concern for SIL--his goal surely is to get her out of addiction, and giving her money to continue is not doing her any favors.  Suggest he go to Naranon if he needs a reality check.

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