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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here’s my take having been in your shoes.

The dinner issue is petty. Annoying but petty. Families do things for each other like paying a share of the bill for dinner so that there can be family time.

The support issue is big and it was better for me to have my spouse and I figure it out before their was a crisis.

Even when a family member is a drug addict, as a sibling or parent you don’t stop loving them. You don’t stop wanting to be around them. You don’t stop seeing the good things about them. You don’t stop hoping things will get better. The disdain from others only served to change my feelings about those with disdain. It never changed my feelings about my family. [/quote]
OP here. There is more than enough disdain to go around, so I am not going to agonize over being disdained for not sympathizing with an addict who chose to throw her life away. I would like to hear how you and your spouse navigated the issue of financially supporting the addict and the relatives enabling him/her before there was a crisis.[/quote]

Interesting you said "chose to throw her life away" as though there is no possible redemption for her.  Addicts do recover all the time, many without benefit of rehab.  Family, or someone who acts like family, stepping in with real help, not enabling, is almost always the way it happens, together, often, with lots of NA.

Your in-laws are enabling and expecting you to do the same.  You need to have a heart to heart discussion with them about it and tell them you will not participate in enabling.  They could really benefit from some Naranon meetings and you or your DH should offer to take them.

From there the steps are clear.  What is it about your background that has you jump to writing off a human being, especially one to whom you are related, instead of a more constructive and human approach?

Oh, and yes, I have been there and done that.  [/quote]

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