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[quote=Anonymous]The spouse comes first. This doesn't mean you let your kids stand shivering in the rain on the doorstep while you and your partner have a candlelit date night inside. It also doesn't mean letting your kids physical needs be ignored, which some seem to suggest with the baffling "the spouse can fend for himself" posts. Of course grown-ups can generally fend for themselves physically, no one's arguing that. It just means you recognize your partnership is the foundation of the family, and the thing on which your kids will build their sense of security and comfort. With that in mind you create adults-only time, don't let your children disrespect the other spouse, allow a situation to be created where your spouse feels inferior in position to the children, and don't subsume your personality to being a mommy-bot or daddy-bot.

Feed your adult, spousal, marital energy people. One day your kids will be grown and gone, and if you haven't tended to your relationship you WILL be fending for yourself. Of course you have to have a relationship you think is worth tending in the first place. If your marriage is crap, well, that's a different post.[/quote]

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