Reply to DW work is impacting our marriage - looking for advice from the smart people of DCUM

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I am with you for most of your post, but I do think it retroactively cheapens what you said about her not spending time with you and the kids if you make your "ask" largely about sex. I would also ask for other do-able things as other PPs have said, like getting home for dinner a certain # of times per week, date nights, some amount of outsourcing.

Re the sex, I think my husband has the same complaint about frequency and here is what I would say to him, if he asked. I would be happy to have sex twice a week if he would work on the logistics to make it seem like less of an additional chore for me. Specifically, when I am putting the kids to bed, if he would do the dishes and fold the laundry, then when I come downstairs we could start hanging out then, do the deed at 9 or 9:30, then watch TV for a bit after that and then go to bed. That works much better for me than the current situation which is: I put the kids to bed and he works, I come down and clean up and do chores for an hour while he works, then we watch TV, and then when we go upstairs at 11 and I am tired he starts acting all horny and I'm like ENOUGH.

Dunno if your schedule is the same, but think about the details of the situation if getting laid is your main goal.[/quote]

This is OP.  Thank you for your (a female) perspective.  This helps me and is enlightening.  If I'm honest, I don't think of the details before sex, I just want the sex when it's time to sleep, which as you know, doesn't work.  [/quote]

Prep is key. Before sleep time, get chores done. Be all showered so she doesn't have to wait for you. send her up for a bath or shower with a glass of wine or champagne. Get her sexy stuff to read in the tub. Connect, and be efficient. She may want to watch tv afterwards. [/quote]

Please don't send her up for a bath with sexy stuff to read. There is nothing relaxing about taking a bath (or doing anything else ostensibly relaxing) when you know the other person is only suggesting it because they expect sex afterward.[/quote]

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