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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hey DCUM, I've got a bone to pick with my best friends' wife and I'm wondering how pissed I should be.

Context and Details:

-About two months ago we planned our bi-annual trip to meet up with them in September, catch a game, and hang out on labor day weekend. BF wife has not yet met our young son, and they would be meeting up with us fresh off our move to the aforementioned city. We usually always meet up in the fall to visit.

-BF wife has always been a bit frosty, hard to get to know, especially for "strangers" like my wife. BF wife has a very hard time making friends with other women, for a host of reasons I don't really care to examine. It is an important factor in her behavior, imo. My wife is a very outgoing, friendly person who tries to engage everyone...and this woman is just kinda cold to her, still. They obviously are never going to be best friends, which is sad because my wife would certainly let that happen if BF wife were even remotely interested in being friends.

-During our initial planning, BF said they were "on board" and were just waiting for airline tickets to drop. I gave them some time and was patient about it.

-I reminded BF a few weeks ago about airplane tix, and he said he was "on it".  In the interim, wife and I purchased game tix, reserved AirBnB, etc....which we admittedly shouldn't have done without confirming BF and wife were actually going.

(you know where this is going....)

-Today I asked BF about their preferences for game tickets and he finally told me the truth that wife "wasn't all about it because she might have an obligation for work and is nervous to ask off". More context is that these two fly all over the country, all year long, doing marathons. They have gone to Disney literally 5 times this year.

I know I'm being a baby about this but my wife and I are very disappointed and frankly, my feelings are hurt and I'm angry at both BF and the wife.

I also know that we shouldn't have made arrangements without actually confirming with them first. I just don't understand why BF wife doesn't want to meet our kid and see our new hometown over what could be a really fun weekend. 
Frankly I'm tired of all of us working around her schedule and travel preferences, and I think this is going to have a long-term impact on my friendship with BF.

TLDR: Best friends wife doesn't want to travel for our annual trip, BF didn't tell us until now, and they've left us in the lurch. Should I let this impact my relationship with or expectations of BF?

[/quote]

So, let me get this straight.

- You and DW and child are moving to a city (P.S. you use "aforementioned" when you previously mention something.  You never previously mentioned city so don't use aforementioned.  Just helping you not make this mistake when it matters) 
- you invited BF and his wife to come to your city so they'll be spending traveling money etc. while you're in your new home town not traveling or having to spend travel $$.
 - You don't like BFDW and it's clear that there's a "frosty" vibe when the 4 of you have gotten together before (and you acknowledge that BFDW doesn't like your DW either)
 - You want this trip so BF could meet your new baby (this is obvious since you talk about BF meeting your baby a few times in your OP)
-  Now you're upset because they aren't all super psyched to come.

To answer your question?  You should hardly be pissed at all.  Sounds to me like you want them to be jumping through all these hoops just to meet your kid when they don't have kids of their own, and the relationship between the 4 of you is tenuous to begin with.

[b]they're not that into you.[/b]
[/quote]

OP here
You're right that BFDW may not be that into me or DW, but I'm still confused as to why.

additional info:[b] BF and I are going on two trips together-one in May, another in October. [/quote][/b]

[b]This might be the crux--i might be annoyed if my DH was asking that I use vaca time to visit a friend he will already be seeing two other times, for two trips, in that year. [/b][/quote]

Ding. Ding. Ding.  We have a winner.  That is a LOT of time to spend with an out of town friend - especially when she's not as into the couple relationship as you and your wife are.  Just enjoy the time you do get with your good friend and realize his wife has other friend priorities.  Yes, they should have told you sooner but it's very common to postpone difficult conversations so I wouldn't worry about it too much.  Certainly don't let it negatively impact this long and close relationship you have.[/quote]

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