Reply to If you and your partner wanted different #s of children, how did you come to terms with it?

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Reply to "If you and your partner wanted different #s of children, how did you come to terms with it?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]While I agree with everyone else that the person who wants fewer should "win," that doesn't mean it's a decision you should be expected to swallow with a smile and never think of again. Not having that second child you want and that you thought your partner was in agreement on having is a loss, and it's okay to grieve that loss. That doesn't mean you should punish your husband for changing his mind, only that it's okay to be sad about it, and that you don't have to pretend you're not. You'll come to your place of peace with it in your own time.[/quote]

Wanted to follow on with a couple of other things. First, if you feel like your sadness over this is turning into resentment and you're not sure how to manage your feelings, consider talking to a counselor about it to help process your feelings in a healthier way.

Also, how old is your child? My personal experience was that once my child had gotten a little older (toward elementary age), I found myself a lot more at peace with our family despite not having the additional child I wanted. Our family dynamic changed so much once we were out of the baby/toddler/little kid phase, and I found myself really enjoying it and no longer wishing for another baby that would pull us out of the place we were now in. [/quote]

Thanks for this. Maybe a counselor would help. I've never been to one and have no idea how to start to find one or what type to get. If it would be partially covered by insurance I'd be more inclined.

Our child's is almost six. We had originally talked about a three year age gap, which then became four, then the decision to not try again at all. So I've been dealing with the only child reality for about three years now. I think I repressed it a bit and it's looming larger now because we have a few second child pregnancies in family members we spent time with over Easter. And I realized that people who had been asking when or number two was coming no longer even ask. I'll be 40 next month, which also is weighing on me. And I'm home sick today, so finally started grappling with why I feel down and resentful lately.

I'll have to re-read this thread. There are some good points in here. I agree that an only seems like a very different ball park than siblings. The financial issues are not insurmountable, but my spouse is resistant to lifestyle changes.[/quote]

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