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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We married in the courthouse.  We celebrated at home - around 50 people.  No gifts.  Parents had paid for college so we started with no student debt.   It was a major legup for us in life.

I will do the same for my kids. I will pay for their college and higher studies.  Also when they get married (in the courthouse), I will throw a modest party (approx - 10K) + 50K cash gift towards either retirement or down payment for a house + a new car (approx $30K).   I will not spend more than this.

If my kids want grand weddings, they will have to pay for it themselves.  I will give 50K for the down payment for a house/retirement.  I will also put 30K for my grandkids college fund.  [/quote]

You sound pretentious. [/quote]

You are welcome to think whatever you want. We are not poor. We can afford to pay for our kids wedding but see that as a waste of money.  We would rather give them a boost in life by getting them things that they can use.  It is our hard earned money, we choose to spend it in a way that we think is best. A big wedding and a expensive wedding ring is a waste of money. No student debt, retirement/college account, down payment to a house, a paid of vehicle that you can use to go to work - I consider these blessings for any adult starting their married life. [/quote]

Just to give more background. We are UMC Indian immigrants.  DH and I came here as graduate students and married when we were settled into our professional lives for a year.  Our family flew in to attend the wedding. So we were able to get away with a simple wedding because we were in a foreign land.

In our community, an average (also known as a "respectable")  wedding in the US costs 200K.  It is common for parents to spend anything from 300-500K in our social circle, and invite 300 or more people.  I will be going against the norm to actually spend just 10K on a wedding celebration party.

As an immigrant community that lived frugally when we came to this country, we are always trying to give everything to our children - including big fat Bollywood style weddings.  I am no different from other parents in my community and I also want to give the world to my kids. So we will pay for all their college.  After that, I would rather give them something that gives them financial options in life instead of an expensive celebration that lasts for a day.  I don't want to give them 50K for the wedding.  I want to give them 50K towards their down-payment and/or retirement savings.  I don't want to give them money to buy a ridiculously expensive diamond ring which gives them peanuts in resale value. I will however buy them a new car. My kids know that. We have been having these conversations with them from the time they were in middle school.  We have given them financial education, they are aware of our finances, they are aware of the magic of compound interest.

But lets say that they decide to pay for their own big fat wedding, what do we do then?  Well, I will still have a party for them for 10 K,  and my gift to them becomes that of just 50K down-payment for the house/retirement savings, and of course, at that point, there will not be getting a new 30K car.  Why, because they are obviously doing very well or they are very naive.

In the end, when we pass away, all our assets will come equally to our children.  So I am not feeling too bad.  Yes, there will be plenty of raised eyebrows and whispers in my social circle and our relatives in India will flip out,  but that's perfectly acceptable to us.  I know some people in our community who have done the same and I think it is a trend worth bucking. 
[/quote]
I think you sound like a smart, grounded, parent.  Good for you.  I think the person who called you pretentious should try looking that up in the dictionary.  :) [/quote]

What if the other side of the family (grooms/brides) wants a big wedding?[/quote]

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