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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. First off I’m not ugly or weird. Handsome and shy more like it. My wife actually married up in looks and no, I’m not deluded, just honest. Second I’m not abusive. I’m just shocked this old her isn’t matching up with the new. We have lots of predictable, routine type sex which is good but not as free or exciting as I think her past was. She’s a high strung lawyer now with kids (100% not cheating) so I think life is to blame for her more restrained libido.

I’m more jealous she had this experience and I didn’t. Internal reasons have lessened and external opportunities are presenting now (which weren’t there when I was younger) to grow my social circle and date/meet a ton of women (interest is heavily reciprocated). I’d never act on any of it but I do feel resentment my life has worked out backwards (inner issues and limited external opportunities when I was younger to more confidence and high external opportunities when married). That’s my frustration.

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That's what I figured when I read your first post, OP. It's not about her past. It's about you feeling you missed out, because you didn't sow your own wild oats, and now you're more socially confident and seeing all these opportunities you can't take. You're on the road to midlife crisis and a whole big mess where you may end up doing stupid things that blow up your marriage and your children's lives. It's very normal to feel the way you feel. Many of us, in one way or another, wish we could go back to a time in the past, with the confidence and wisdom we now have, and do things we didn't do then. When that's sexual stuff, and particularly for men, it's an intense and compelling regret, and women need to understand that.

You can keep it to yourself, and skulk around flirting with other women, checking off how many you bet would sleep with you now. You can obsess over certain sex acts you haven't experienced, that you bet some of these women would go for. This may get out of control, and lead to you cheating. You can also talk with your wife, and admit what you admitted here, which is that you used to be shyer, but now you really want to spice up your sex life and do more things with her. Make it about you. Do not blame her for her previous experiences. And do not blame her because things are not sexually adventurous between you right now. If she scoffs and says no, she already tried ____ and didn't like it, then you say well, you haven't, so you'd like a chance. If she has any sense and awareness, she'll understand. For all you know, she may think you're super vanilla, and not even interested in anything else.[/quote]

+1 If you want something, ask for it-that's healthy. But, it seems like you are blaming your wife for having experiences that you wish you had had-that's not fair to her, and that resentment will hurt your marriage if you don't find a way to get past it.[/quote]

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