Reply to Upset that sister has been given family home

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - ok I hear you. I am being selfish. I get that and I need to work on being a better person. That is for sure.

I was very close to my aunt and uncle - they did not need money, they were better off than we are paying a mortgage and two daycare tuitions here in the DMV. I visited as often as I could. My aunt often said that the house was ours (the three kids) and that she hoped her husband would not cut my brother out since they did not get along. And I agree, he  could have stayed in the house, remarked and left it to his new wife - lots of other scenarios that would have been difficult.

My sister was going to leave NYC anyway - she was unhappy there and her apartment was being made into condos so she had to move. She was able to move home and fit her whole life into the trunk of her car. So yes, she upended her life - but she was planning on leaving NYC anyways. She could have moved into her own apartment - but she chose to live with them and be an amazing support to them both. So yes - my sister was a caretaker, but she worked full time and my mom and many other family members and friends did the bulk of the day to day care taking. My uncle is in great health and was there as well. But like I said, I am not upset with my uncle - I get that it is good for him to have her living with him.

To the poster who said if I want a house I should work, save and then buy - that is what we have done. That is why I could not pick up and move my whole family home. My sister did not make those choices - and this is where I need to let go... I see that.

I agree I need to let go of the hurt. I need to see that I should never had thought of the house as something that would have been mine. But i do bristle against the sentiment that because she was able to and wanted to move home that it discounts my lifelong relationship with my aunt as one that was not caring or close. And that it is only through living with someone who is dying that you can be loving and caring and a support in their lives. I was as involved as I could be in helping her make decisions about doctors, treatment decisions, etc. as I could be.

Hearing all of these perspectives has actually been very helpful - thank you all for sharing your thoughts. I have a lot of work to do to work through this. [/quote]

What you describe doesn't really sound like your sister acted as the caretaker.  She worked full time and had a bevy of relatives plus her Aunt's own husband helping out with the care of the aunt.  Your sister lived there and kept them company.

Your uncle probably likes having her there and probably hopes that she'll be there for him if his health starts to fade.  [/quote]

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