Reply to I don't want Grandparents taking baby for the night every week

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm generally super laid back, but my alarm bells are clanging so much on this one...

Ask yourself some questions:

First, the only reason your infant should spend the night away from you is because you - the mother - deem it necessary. If you're worn out, need some time with your partner, need to travel for work, etc., and you trust someone enough to take your infant overnight, great. Is this the case?

Second, are you OK with setting this precedent for the long run? Because there's no set term here. If your child spends one night a week at his grandparents' house, he's doing it...well...until he says no or your inlaws say no. This isn't a short-term thing. Are you OK with that?

Third (and you know this already), once the razzle dazzle of the newborn period is over, your temporarily tolerable DH is going to be just as awful as he was before. Probably worse. There's no greater test of a marriage than parenting, and if things were bad before, they're only going to get worse when strained by the challenge of raising, disciplining, and caring for a small person. Do you honestly see yourself parenting with this man?

You said he was emotionally abusive. I believe it. You're doubting your instincts as a mother, your autonomy as a human, and your value as an equal partner in a marriage, because your DH AND HIS PARENTS are bullying you into thinking you're wrong. Please don't give them this power.

I say this with certainty: there's something rotten in the state of Denmark. And if anyone tries to tell you your DH is trying to "reconnect" with you once a week, it's BS. Nothing puts a woman in the mood like yanking her baby from her against her will, amIright? My God. Please don't ignore the warning signs here. 
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Yes I think you're right in every single thing you say. The only thing I would say is he is a great, loving, kind dad. He loves the baby more
Than anything and is really good to him. I suspect it is because he sees the baby as an extension of himself. And he has been treating me wonderfully as the mother of his child. I don't buy it for a second but it is what it is. He is very emotionally immature. The only reason I mention this is that I think he is a good parent. However he has already started undermining me in the tiniest little "discipline" (for a 6 month old! Not discipline but I couldn't think of another word.) but when I told our son no you can't pinch - just to start trying to break him of the habit because he's a really bad pincher my husband laughs with him. I am probably particularly sensitive to this because he used to do it with my cat that he wanted to love him. I wouldn't let the cat out and told him I didn't want him out and he would always let him out anyway (it was just on a terrace). [/quote]

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