Reply to My wife wants to present to the world that everything is perfect

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know a lot of WASPY people like OP's wife.

In short, it's a case of selfishness and self interest.  OP's wife/mother of his child-in-crisis seeks to preserve her social standing and outward appearance above the best interests of her daughter.  She cares more about how other people see her than what is going on internally for her kid.

I would not be surprised if this selfish behavior is part of or even THE cause of the cutting and problematic behaviors in the child.[/quote]

Oh please!  You are so mean.[/quote]

Mean to point out selfish women who sacrifice the well being of their loved ones for some social bullsh*t?  Let me guess, you're one of them.[/quote]
DP. Extra sharing can also mean harm. OP is ready to shout to the whole world. Long email to a teacher does not make sense at all. If he went to talk to the teacher, I would have a different opinion. [/quote]

Did you even read the OP?  Even assuming that Op is over sharing with the teacher (which he is not) Op's wife doesn't even want to discuss how much to share.  She just shuts down.  She is definitely putting her own needs above her daughter's.

Not to mention the support group thing.  Wtf?

Dysfunctional, cowardly, and selfish.

I would override her, OP.  At this point, your DD comes first.  Let your wife throw her hissy fits.[/quote]
I just read OP's answer. Looks like OP's approach is to involve lots of people. It may or may not work, we don't know. I disagree with the assessment of the wife's behavior as a hissy fit, it might be what works for her. My family is very private and that's where my friend turned for help when she knew that her parents will overshare (and my parents can legally keep secrets). You don't know what works and neither anybody else. So far we see three very stubborn people in this family, lots of power struggle, not fun. Maybe one will realize that. [/quote]

You're projecting good intentions onto OP's wife when you lack evidence for it.

So far all we read is that Op's wife just shuts down and gets mad if he suggests his plan of action.  She's not handling it privately nor is she having a discussion with OP about what they should do.  She'd prefer that they do nothing and her daughter can continue cutting or maybe die...as long as OP's wife doesn't have to explore her anger and issues, it's all good.

Yes, I would absolutely characterize it as a hissy fit.[/quote]
I disagree. DD is in therapy. OP's issues are specific to the amount of sharing with the school and with the group. OP think sharing helps. We don't know. I believe the sharing decision should be up to the kid, not OP or his wife. [/quote]

You're literally making things up to argue about.  We've heard nothing about the child other than she's in crisis and needs help - more help than she's getting.  There is nothing about how OP's KID responds to the email and the group therapy.  Only that his wife and the mother of his child shuts down and gets mad if OP tries to get help.  I'm not sure why you're defending this woman but I'm fairly certain it has to do with your own issues.[/quote]

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