Reply to DH keeps defending his bigoted parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Only you can decide what is right for you, but here is another perspective.

I grew up without grandparents.  It was sad and I was jealous of those who had access to their grandparents.  My parents and my MIL live pretty far away.  We try to see them as much as possible, but it's hard and the kids miss seeing their grandparents.

I know that the relationship with your in-laws is toxic due to racial bigotry (I'm not Caucasian, so I've seen some of it, too).  [b]I personally think that having a relationship with your grandparents is more important. [/b] I would personally allow the relationship as much as I could tolerate for the benefit of your children.  As they grow older, you can teach them that their grandparents have some views that you don't agree with, that they are old and set in their ways and that it's old-fashioned and uneducated, but they are their grandparents.  Learn to love them despite their faults and ignore the unfair comments that they say.  You can teach children to disregard the views of their grandparents that you, the parents, don't disagree with.  But you can't go back later and give them back the time with their grandparents that you deprive them of when their grandparents are alive.[/quote]
I disagree--if the grandparents say racist things to the grandkids, or treat the darker-skinned kid differently, or otherwise convey those sentiments, it is not necessarily better to have a relationship with them.

And since OP's husband won't stand up to them, the kids might well get the message that their dad doesn't actually disagree with them all that much.  [/quote]

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