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[quote=Anonymous]I would suspect your husband had a great, warm and loving childhood and that his parents, despite being racist (and probably bigoted and sexist) were in their own way great parents to him. Some people may struggle to understand why such a thing is possible, but yes, it is possible to be a loving and devoted parent and a great parent at that, while being racist. I know this because I've lived closely with Middle Eastern and South Asian cultures and watched the family dynamics. The parents could be very loving and devoted parents and worshipped by their children, but at the same time deeply racist and sexist and bigoted. Nobody is purely good or purely bad. This is not an attempt to defend the inlaws but to explain why your husband may be reluctant to challenge his parents or criticize them.

It is not an easy situation to be in. If it were me I would make clear my views to the husband that the in-laws do not respect their grandchildren, are racist and insensitive and it's not 1950 and it's simply not appropriate and that you see no signs of true familial love through their attitudes. Point out that there were plenty of people even in the 1950s who would have found such attitudes racist and insensitive. I would not cut off contact with the inlaws but I would from this point onward be direct with them every time I see or hear something I considered racist and insensitive to my ethnicity and the children. And if the inlaws do not change their attitudes, the day will come when you will not visit them nor will you let the children go. It would be their loss, not yours. [/quote]

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